How to Get Good Duck Details

I am retard person
2007-10-06 17:50:35
Don't know how happy I am about finding this site today. Sort of a downer to find out that your name anagrams to 'retard person'. What are the odds?Then I found this site, where I became 'pants reorder'.Sigh, Charlie Brown. What a day.Tags:* comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * anagram * retard * person * pants * reorder * games * word games * Charlie Brown * sigh ...

Craig not leaving senate? But you said... ah, forget it.
2007-10-05 09:07:26
Wait a minute, what did he say? Let's re-cap:June 11: Craig is arrested by an undercover police officer at the Minneapolis Airport during a sting targeting "out of sync foot tapping, followed by amazing bathroom sex".(Read: Do you know who I am? You can't do this. Have you ever seen a business card like this?)July 2: Apparently unable to get his beat on, Craig is charged with disorderly (foot tapping) conduct, a misdemeanor, and interference with privacy, a gross misdemeanor.(Read: Does this mean no more bathroom sex?)Aug. 1: Craig signs a written guilty plea to disorderly (foot tapping) conduct.(Read: Okay, look I wanted some closeted gay sex. Big deal. You bet I'll sign, now leave me alone.)Aug. 27: Craig's arrest is reported in Roll Call. Craig later says that police misconstrued his actions in the airport bathroom and denies that he is gay.(Read: Huh? Wha? Just tappin' my foot to my own little beat, officer... Gay? I'm from Idaho, for Christ's sake. We don't do gay there.)Sept. 1: ...
Senate

Radiohead says 'you tell us what it's worth'
2007-10-03 09:02:14
Radiohead, the English band that hit big in '92 with Creep, are calling their own shots with their latest album In Rainbows. No longer under contract to any label, the Oxfordshire band has decided to take the matter of album sales into their own hands and has made In Rainbows available for pre-order download. The yummy goody fuzzy sticky sweetness here is that when you click on the 'view basket' icon after you've added the download to your shopping basket, there's no freakin' price next to it! Woo hoo - we da' man! We be decidin' what we be payin'!It's obviously got to go this way sooner or later, I mean, I look at those hundreds of CDs in my collection and say, Why do you have to be so big and unwieldy? You take up so much space in my life. Poo on you, CDs. Puh-poo. Sure, we've been able to pay for our music online for some time now. But I still have a bit of a problem with the prices. I mean, if I'm going to pay 10 bucks for an album, well... all right, okay, you better send me a dam ...
Radiohead

tHErAPY
2007-10-02 20:55:37
I'm currently working on translating a fascinating textbook about steel production into English, which means that the last few days have ended with liquefied bits of my brain oozing out of my nostrils and ears and onto the floor. It's just all mush up there right now, which is why this little distraction here is perfect for my state of mind right now.Give it a go. Come on, click on it. You know you want to.Tags: * comedy * humor * funny * silly * bubbleplast * therapy * brainooze * poppin' ...

Letterman on Paris
2007-09-30 10:00:15
If you haven't seen this yet, it's definitely worth watching. If you have, it's definitely worth watching again. It is pure Letterman, the man at his absolute finest.Tags: * comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * Paris Hilton * David Letterman * Can Can * Repo! * The Genetic Opera ...
Paris

Letting the Wedding Photos Decide
2007-09-29 18:31:12
The US presidential candidates are running all over the place, scratching and pawing at every possible kernel that could potentially burst open to reveal an opportunity to be heard or a chance to make some cash. Besides the fact that this time around each candidate has a Facebook page, a MySpace page and (yikes) a YouTube account, it pretty much is like it always is: career politicians at their finest, doing what they do best - campaigning. "I won't raise taxes, I won't go to war, I won't have sex with anyone but my spouse, I won't yadda yadda yadda." And they go about their gathering of resources and funding to build their voter bases and gain their party's nomination.But that's not really working for me. I'm thinking about letting their wedding pictures decide for me. You can tell a lot about a person from his or her wedding picture. All right, 'nuff said, let's have a look:First of all, Rudy Giuliani and Judith Nathan(1). Hmm. Tiara thingy? Yes, tiara thingy. That should be quite en ...
Photos Wedding

35
2007-09-25 13:19:07
Last night I came across the following amazing facts about the number 35. Did I say amazing? Good, because I meant it.California resident Guy "Bud" Hart (I love the fact that his name is Guy, but for unknown reasons his friends save time and call him Bud) coughed up a nail that had been inside of him for 35 years.Some guy (apparently... or not) took a picture of Tokyo every day for 35 years from the same spot and it is now a ten second film.35 years of original Sesame Street music is available here.In June of this year, tribunal judges sentenced Milan Martić, a former political leader of Croatian Serbs, to 35 years' imprisonment for crimes committed during the early nineties against Croats and other non-Serbs in Croatia.Interstate 35 is a US highway that runs from Texas to Minnesota.35 is the highest number one can count to on one's fingers using base 6.The 35th wedding anniversary is the Coral Wedding Anniversary. Lovely.You must be 35 years old to run for the office of the President ...

Clowning around with American lives
2007-09-24 10:21:39
One of the main reasons that I am still in Sweden has to do with health insurance. I did not really plan to move here permanently when I began working at the Icehotel in November of 2000. But shortly after meeting Sanna, she was diagnosed with Lupus and began treatment here in Sweden. Sweden's medical care is not only pretty damn good, but it is affordable. Every citizen and resident has the right to be seen and treated, and costs for prescriptions and care are minimal, if anything. (The taxes we pay make this possible, of course.)Before her diagnosis, we spoke often about the possibility of moving back to California. But making that move and starting over, without health insurance and with an existing chronic disease, would be a definite crap shoot. And expensive.Trying to explain this amazing phenomenon to non-Americans is extremely difficult. They don't really get the fact that just being a citizen does not mean that you will receive the medical attention that you need or deserve. I ...

Sliding Doberman
2007-09-22 13:23:53
I wish I was a dog. This dog: ...

Cooking with Anders
2007-09-22 11:36:23
I don't give a very thorough explanation of what I'm actually doing, but benzone50 has done a great job of slicing together an episode of me in the kitchen preparing, of all things, duck. Go figure. Enjoy...Tags: * comedy * humor * funny * silly * entertainment * pop culture * duck * cooking * kitchen * anders porter * benzone50 ...
Cooking

How YOU get good duck
2007-09-19 18:24:55
This is a story about how an idea becomes a blog entry...First the idea just sort of hovers in the background: present, but still vague and fuzzy.Then the idea is put on hold completely while much pondering occurs. In this particular instance, the pondering involved repetitive occurrences of the phrase "the &#*?/&% boat is filled with water" and other such loveliness.By the time the boat is no longer filled with water, the idea has gone for a swim.But the idea makes its way back, and finally lets itself be heard.Once the boat has reached the other side of the lake, the idea heads back home.Once home, the idea is converted into on-screen text and binary codes and bleeps and dots and ... stuff.Once properly formatted, the idea starts its journey to the server that will be its host and home.'Tis a long and perilous journey, with many obstacles and hindrances.The idea is forced into many awkward situations along the way. Flight is one of them.Another is extreme shrinkage.When tired ...

Hanging on...
2007-09-18 16:20:27
Tailer's debut music video for some free song by a guy named something or whatever on slide.com. Click on the speaker to hear it. ...

Clock ticking for Tuvalu
2007-09-17 10:54:17
Last night I watched a very well-done documentary on Swedish television called Trouble in Paradise, by Gilliane Le Gallic and Christopher Horner. In this colorful piece, the filmmakers discuss the notion that the island nation of Tuvalu may simply disappear within the next 50 years.Tuvalu? What's a Tuvalu? Formerly known as the Ellice Islands, Tuvalu is a group of islands east of Australia, about 1000 km north of Fiji. It is the second-least populated country in the world, with just under 12,000 people. The group of nine islands has almost no natural resources, most of its income coming from foreign aid. Any sustainable farming that they were once able to practice has been pretty much wiped out by the various effects of global warming.Tuvalu's lowest point and highest point are sea level and 30 feet respectively. 30 feet! That's nothing. And with ocean levels rising as they are, that nine meters is shrinking every year.With an average per capita income of $1,600/year, the country is qu ...
Clock

The Juice, once again, didn't do it.
2007-09-17 07:13:11
"You've got to understand, this ain't somebody going to steal somebody's drugs or something like that. This is somebody going to get his private (belongings) back. That's not robbery," Simpson told the Los Angeles Times.Merriam-Webster's Distionary of Law says:Main Entry: rob·beryFunction: nounInflected Form: plural -ber·iesEtymology: Anglo-French robberie roberie, from Old French, from rober to take something away from a person by force; the unlawful taking away of personal property from a person by violence or by threat of violence that causes fear : larceny from the person or immediate presence of another by violence or threat of violence and with intent to steal.Says nothing here about being okay if you once owned the personal property being stolen. Says nothing here about being all right to take stuff that once belonged to Joe Montana.OJ Simpson, ladies and gentlemen: Mental midget, murderer, general idiot.Tags: * O.J. * OJ Simpson * murder * Goldman * If I Did It * robbery * ...
Juice

Did You Know 2.0
2007-09-12 15:44:33
The video below has been viewed by well over 5,000,000 people in the past year, but I was not one of them until today. So if you've already seen it, skip it. Otherwise, watch it. And you can read more about it here.I have worked as a teacher off and on and just a few years ago I came to the conclusion that, for the most part, kids think school is pretty stupid. And this video helps to point out why. What kids are doing at home in front of their computer screens makes it a bit tricky to go to school the next day and trace your hand to make a turkey or write an essay on Abraham Lincoln. "Yeah but, how many Facebook friends did Abraham Lincoln have? Could he write HTML? Did he take part in the YouTube debates?"Exactly. Kids know what's going on and it doesn't involve the hand turkey.Tags:* comedy * humor * funny * silly * YouTube * Facebook * Did You Know * viral * video ...

Petraeus: Another Tool with Charts and Graphs
2007-09-12 14:57:33
Look at those guys. Inner dialogue here? How about: You gonna say it? I'm not gonna say it. You promise you're not gonna say it? Pinky promise? Pinky promise.General David Petraeus and Ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker testified before Congress yesterday on the progress of the Bush surge, and to nobody's surprise, the general said that things are just hunky dory over there. "We can take 'em, coach. I just need some more time, that's all." Or something like that. Yadda yadda yadda. Bush couldn't have said it better himself.Thankfully, Petraeus brought charts and graphs with him. Because the American people LOVE charts and graphs. In fact, if I remember correctly, Colin Powell presented some lovely charts and PowerPoint images, oh, way back when, which sort of got us in to this whole mess in the first place. Those charts and graphs turned out to be less than... what's the word... oh yeah: reliable.So what's Powell doing these days, by the way? He's lecturing. And advising. Oh yeah, and apo ...
Graphs Tool

Britney Spears and the Amazing Head of Hair
2007-09-10 18:38:54
It seems that I've been avoiding the serious stuff for a while now, playing around with the silly politicians and such. I apologize and now return to the thoughts that really matter: Britney's hair follicles.So the child prodigy-turned-standard-Hollywood-idiot apparently gave a rather lackluster performance at last night's Video Music Awards awards in Las Vegas. So what? I mean, whatever. Like, fer shure, or something. I have not seen the performance as of right this very second, nor will I have seen it when you ask me tomorrow. I do not believe that I would be quite able to tell the difference between a bad Britney Spears performance and a good one.So when I saw that very important headline pop up on my Google home page, I thought to myself, hmmm, does she have hair? The last bit of Britney Spears news that I followed closely (for about 40 minutes I think) was the little head shaving incident (because it was unbelievably fascinating) and that was in February.Anyhow, I clicked right al ...
Britney Spears

Another one bites the dust
2007-09-09 08:47:54
Another Republican, Chuck Hagel, has announced that he, too, plans to get the hell out of Dodge, and who can blame him. Though I think that it is sad to see this one go, since he is rightfully critical of the war in Iraq.Hagel also states that he will not be making a run for the presidency in 2008, which is appropriate. You can see in the image above that he is wearing a Band-Aid on his left thumb, which means that he bleeds, and is therefore human. An actual human being in the White House would be a major setback.Honestly, why would anybody in their right mind want to get in the White House right now? The incredible mess that the current administration has created is going to make for at least 8 years of major overhaul and cleanup. To have to take over, pull out of Iraq, replenish the non-existent budget, repair the global image of the US, and apologize for the past 8 years WHILE trying to fix the Social Security and health care systems in the US? That's a job I'd not want to have.But ...
Dust

Good Question
2007-09-05 11:15:37
The kids just want to know if grandpa can hold out or not... He would be the oldest president ever elected, IF elected."Thanks for the question, you little jerk," McCain joked back to one student who asked the 71-year-old if he was afraid about dying in office or of getting Alzheimer's disease. "You're drafted."He made a funny.Tags: * comedy * humor * funny * silly * politics * president * george bush * republican * democrat * conservative * liberal * congress * McCain quote * John McCain * high school * old * Alzheimer * dead * dying * election 88 ...

Bush using Nixon speeches for inspiration
2007-09-04 10:36:37
The White House has released a statement in which Bush and his speech writers admit to pouring through old Nixon speeches in order to borrow material and, as the President put it, "verbalismation...isms" to be used in upcoming Bush speeches.This Nixon speech here, for example, is one that the Bush team has already crafted and readied for use. When Bush delivers the speech, in oh, say, about 6 months, only a few changes will have been made, including replacing the word "jews" with "muslims", the word "blacks" with "liberals" the word "Vietnam" with "Iraq", and the word "Cambodia" with "Afghanistan".Please note that Mr. Nixon's symphonic, proliferating use of the "F" word may not make this piece suitable for playing at the office.Enjoy.Tags: * comedy * humor * funny * silly * politics * president * george bush * republican * democrat * conservative * liberal * congress * Nixon * speech * White House * Iraq * Afghanistan * muslim * parody * Scott Dikkers * Peter Hilleren ...
Inspiration

Major League Starving
2007-09-03 11:20:16
This morning I ran across an article on CNN.com about the new buffalo wing-eating champion in the US, Sonya Thomas, aka "The Black Widow", and I almost lost my lunch. Breakfast. Whatever. This very flattering AP photo accompanies the article. Nice.I have never seen a competitive eating competition. It is not on my list of things to do before I die. Nor will it ever reach that status. I have seen a few sloppy seconds of highlight footage, and that's it. I am sure that you know the kind - a closeup of a contestant pushing in the unwilling end of a hot dog only to have it pop back out again, bringing with it spray of spittle and a dribbling drizzle of drool. The contestant, beads of sweat dancing crazily on his or her forehead, eyes darting nervously back and forth, crudely places a finger, or maybe this time a finger and a thumb, on the end of the runaway dog, and forces it back in again. Hand #2 is ready with the next dog, and the untidy cycle continues.This guy, who boasts the very wit ...
League

The end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.
2007-08-31 16:28:21
So where was I? Ah yes, Disneyland. Disneyland is what we ended up calling Benalmádena, Spain. It must have had to do with the fact that the layers and layers of condominiums were simply re-bar and chicken wire, sprayed with cement. Or maybe because there were so many people flowing around that you occasionally ended up accidentally standing in line for something. A ride? A restaurant? Who knows.Anyhow, we made our way into the blue again, now heading for the rock. No, THE rock, not the Sean Connery film. Gibraltar. Reaching Gibraltar was significant, inasmuch as it is the gateway to the Atlantic. But in a Mount Rushmore-ish sort of way (when I saw Mt. Rushmore for the first time a couple summers ago, I thought it was way too small to have gotten all that attention. 'It needs to be bigger,' I said. 'Let's get some more dudes up there.') Gibraltar turned out to be just a big rock sticking out of the water. We had actually seen a few other big rocks sticking out of the water and lots of ...

Bellying up to the Bar
2007-08-30 08:14:57
Bar, Montenegro. 31 July 2007Its Tuesdaz and I can not seem to find the kezs on this kezboard that I am reallz in need of. Its a Serbian language kezboard apparently, and I have just now realized that the y is where the z should be and vice versa... And I am having troubles uploading pictures, so descriptions of pictures will be provided in lieu of the actual thing.The wind is horrendous today, so we are still here. We have spent the last couple days getting the boat ready. Freja is a beautiful thing, a 70 plus foot creature, made entirely by hand by my captain for the next month, Oliver. We are excited to get going, and were planning on doing so today, but as said, the a major wind storm rolled in over the mountains last night, blowing smoke from the hillside fires, which seem to be burning perpetually here in Montenegro, down over the harbor. With luck, will move the boat offshore tonight, anchor until morning, and the head out from there. It looks like we will be sailing 24/7 for th ...
Bar

So long and thanks for all the fish!
2007-08-13 17:54:55
I will start by saying that it is worth avoiding Benalmádena at all costs. Unless you are a charter tour tourist, and just want some hot and some sand. Then, by all means, come here. It is a frightening place, I spent the first few hours here walking around with Sanna, slack-jawed and in total awe. It took me a while to come up with the proper description, but now I have it: Benalmádena is a bad painting. That's the best I can do. This marina that we are docked in is a Disneyland-ish nightmare, the upchuck of Salvadore Dali flowing seamlessly into some sort of a Mediterranean Thomas Kincade paiting, IF Thomas Kincade ever dared to touch the colors teal and peach. It is amazing, this place. And, as mentioned, overflowing with vistors from all over Europe (though the English and the Irish seem to get the best package deals) who are looking to turn their pasty souls a deep shade of lobster. I love it, in other words. We arrived yesterday afternoon and will leave this hell tomorrow. Whi ...
Fish

Bellying up to the Bar
2007-07-31 14:33:36
Bar, Montenegro. 31 July 2007Its Tuesdaz and I can not seem to find the kezs on this kezboard that I am reallz in need of. Its a Serbian language kezboard apparently, and I have just now realized that the y is where the z should be and vice versa... And I am having troubles uploading pictures, so descriptions of pictures will be provided in lieu of the actual thing.(ENTER PICTURE OF A TIN OF SMOKED CARP SITTING ON TOP OF A CRATE OF NECTARINES HERE. THE BRAND NAME OF THE SMOKED FISH IS KRAP.)The wind is horrendous today, so we are still here. We have spent the last couple days getting the boat ready. Freja is a beautiful thing, a 70 plus foot creature, made entirely by hand by my captain for the next month, Oliver. We are excited to get going, and were planning on doing so today, but as said, the a major wind storm rolled in over the mountains last night, blowing smoke from the hillside fires, which seem to be burning perpetually here in Montenegro, down over the harbor. With luck, will ...
Bar

Prepare to be Boarded. Arrrr!
2007-07-26 10:38:41
Updates on this here little blog thingy may be a bit sporadic over the next month, since tomorrow I'll be heading to Montenegro, where I'll be climbing aboard the Freja to take on the pirates of the Mediterranean Sea. The destination is Stockholm, so we'll be sailing through the Mediterranean, around Spain and Portugal and then up through the English Channel back home. I have taken the liberty to draw a map of the journey, though as the lowest hand on deck, it will certainly look nothing like this. Let's hope so at least.I'll be doing my best to update along the way, so check back in with the Duck periodically, or simply add your email address to the subscription list here.To prepare for the journey, I've been brushing up on my pirate. You can too by watching this:Tags:* comedy * humor * funny * silly * Montenegro * Stockholm * sailing * pirates * talk like a pirate * Pippi Longstocking * PippiLångstrump ...

Adopting a Couple Nanokids
2007-07-26 08:39:35
Nanotechnology... I woke up this morning thinking about how great it would be to adopt a couple thousand little nanobots. Or maybe just two to start with, I don't know. My neck's been killing me again lately (thanks to a childish prank pulled by Eamonn Dolan and John Alianjian at a party in SF in 1999... real names being used in lieu of a lawsuit) and it occurred to me as I carefully maneuvered into an upright position that if I had few little nanorobotically inclined fellas in there working on stuff, they might be able to build me a whole new neck in just a couple days. You know, putting up nanoscaffolding and firing up their nano-blowtorches to get things in better working order... things like that. It's bizarro world stuff, all right, but awesome nonetheless. This is sci-fi stuff that people are really talking about. And not just the freaks and nutheads, but some pretty smart dudes as well. Lenny would be sort of proud of me that I'm not only taking my vitamins, but I'm entertaining ...
Adopting Couple

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