A Panel of Experts A panel of experts discuss photographs from all over the internet.

Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Visitors Out: Total Visitors Out: 2 86 4513 4513

Function Over Form
2008-04-16 18:44:00
You know, people talk down on RealDolls, but lets leave aside the question of the grossness of human/doll intercourse for a moment. Say what you will about RealDolls, but when it comes down to it, who else are you going to want to have on your arm when you go meet the bass player of White Lion at Guitar Center?-JQP ...

Ain't No Party Like...
2008-04-16 18:35:00
There's something to be said for the ability to pose in such a manner as to suggest that wherever you may be at that moment is the coolest, most fun place on earth. Especially so when that place happens to be the lazily cordoned off VIP section for the "Wednesday Night Battle Of The Bands Rocktacular" at McFlanahans in Allentown, PA.-JQP ...

Consarn It.
2008-04-01 19:39:00
oro"Well sir, some folks like em for eatin. And some folks like em for fuckin. But while these little fellers make for some tasty vittles and can wriggle around your johnson like a reno showgirl on payday, what they're REALLY good for is killin. You get these varmints good and riled up and they'll eviscerate a herd of cattle in two shakes of a dogs tail. So just imagine what they'll do to them chinamen who keep tryin ta steal my gold!"-JQP ...

Weaknesses: The color yellow and mulitcuturual outdoor gatherings...
2008-04-01 19:34:00
Further proof that John Stewart was the worst green lantern: letting his nerdy nephew Jermaine borrow the ring to "make our street fair TOTALLY BOSS."-JQP ...

And one to grow on!
2008-04-01 19:30:00
Party hats: $3.45 on your visa mastercard.Helium balloons and tank rental: $45.99 on your visa mastercard.First birthday after escaping the tyrannical rule of Ma Fratelli: priceless.-JQPThe best part about those hats is that they double as drool collectors for Anthony (WILD name guess). He gets very excited when he opens his presents - most likely bottles of Drakkar Noir and a gift certificate to Faux Glow Fantasy Tan. Another year, another zero lessons learned.-Dr. Coquetoastan ...

Goth-Talk
2008-03-17 21:25:00
I was DVD shopping yesterday and they had the superduper special edition of The Dark Crystal on sale for 5 bucks brand new. Being that I loved that movie when I was little, I decided to pick it up. But realizing that purchase also pushed me a little further into the above territory than I'd really prefer, I'm glad I also purchased the Showgirls VIP Edition, complete with shot glasses, pasties, sleeping mask, drinking games, and pin-the-pasties-on-the-boobs wall game. So I'm right back to dudetown.-JQP ...

Life is not a verb.
2008-03-17 16:25:00
And to think people said Jake Busey wouldn't amount to anything. He is so goddamn serious about the way he parties. This isn't even fun for him. It's like breathing. He parties because he has no other choice. Though I pray he chooses to leave manthing on the right out of the orgy later. ...

So Naughty!
2008-03-04 20:59:00
This is the Asian equivalent of a girl getting drunk and pretending to blow a male stripper for comedy's sake. And this will not only keep this young man bashfully tweaking the nose from landing his dream job, it will land him in prison along with dissidents, condemned to hard labor for the rest of his days.-JQP ...

Feelin Sexy 24/7
2008-03-04 20:53:00
I for one am looking forward to the day when "downward angle cleavage showcasing self portrait for myspace" is such a common theme in photography that it has it's own installation at the Met. That will also be the day when I consider actually paying the suggested donation of $12 rather than ten cents.-JQP ...

Attack Of The 50 Ft. Slores
2008-03-04 20:47:00
Shaking with rage and sass the giant skanks push clean through the roof of this pitiful human domicile. With the new race of amazonian party girls upon us, the worlds supplies of tanning spray and appletini mix will soon be depleted, and it's only a matter of time before we are forced to bow to these giant, sexy, and loose superwomen. And let me be the first to say, "ABOUT FUCKING TIME!"-JQP ...

THANKS A LOT DIMEBAG.
2008-02-28 18:17:00
ALRIGHT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, THIS ONE GOES OUT TO MY GIRL KRYSTAL, SULLY DOWN AT AUTOZONE, AND NOAM CHOMSKY FOR BEING ONE DOWN ASS BROTHER. MOVE IT YOU FUCKING PUSSIESSSSSSS.-JQP...AND ON THE GUITAR, GIVE A WARM CANADIAN HELLO TO JIM "THE ANVIL" NEIDHART-Dan ...

Beat you like a redheaded...
2008-02-28 18:13:00
O'DOYLE RULES!-JQPWhat's most distressing about this is that the plaid on the pillow doesn't even match the plaid on the couch, which leads me to believe that this entire family might be colorblind and will be mistakenly checking off "african-american" on all of their college applications.-Dan ...

Popeye the Bonerman
2008-02-26 18:25:00
Why yes it is a Pea Coat! Did you know they were popular for years with members of the merchant marine due to their durability and warmth on the high seas, and are now popular because it's an easier way to say "I read books in my spare time" than to staple a copy of Walden to your forehead?-JQPHoly shit dude! Lookout, there's a vampire and a succubus grabbing you at the same time! Oh right.... its just a sensitive art-history major with a thing for musical theater and an Iranian rrrrriotdyke studying "sexuality in modern theistic interpretation." Just another day at Oberlin University. Love,Brett Scieszka ...

Chris Matthews-San
2008-02-26 18:16:00
If this girl were hanging out at an anime or comic book convention I would find nothing unusual about it at all. But it's pretty apparent she's at a gymnastics event of some sort, which really can mean only one thing- they're finally stepping up efforts to catch that ever elusive brand of toucher: the "once I capture you I won't even molest you I'll just insert your likeness into my online RPG and send you on adventures to lands of yore." Say what you will about normal molestors, but at least there's the solid chance that they'll tire of their prey once they hit there teens. But in the World of Warcraft, time knows no bounds.-JQPI know it makes me sound like a grouchy old man, but living in the future is just too weird. Time was all you needed to get your girl in the mood was some soulful makeout and light petting. Now you need to get pooped on while wearing a wig for things to even get started. Love,Brett Scieszka ...

Take Don't Ask
2008-02-22 16:50:00
For those of you familiar with Roald Dahl's BFG (Big Friendly Giant), this is an character from the unpublished sequel "BFG's Who Are Really BRG's: Big Friendly Giants Who Are Really Big Rapey Giants."-JQPThis is actually a still from one of Natty's Bollywood videos. In it, Ayesha Ognapangnapour is about to be tossed onto her husband's funeral pyre to be reincarnated as a donkey (shitty in that culture), all because her husband was executed for murder. Its a romantic comedy. Love,Brett Scieszka ...

"MEEOOWW!"
2008-02-21 22:36:00
If there were a god in heaven the picture after this would be that shitty haircut sticking out from under the rear tire of that car. SOMEONE has got to finish what that kids father clearly never started.-JQPObviously this guy didn't invent smoking weed. But I'm going to pretend he did. Love,Brett Scieszka ...

Merry Christmas, Pigpen!
2007-12-20 23:17:00
My 7th grade math teacher had some sort of digestive problem where no matter what he did, his breath smelled like dead rats fucking in a pile of vomit. Because of that, he smelled fucking awful 24/7. We used to leave bars of soap and deodorant on his desk when he was out of the room. That was kind of mean, but it was totally one upped the day we started throwing all his stuff out the third floor window, including a baseball that his dead adopted son gave him. God, kids are such assholes.-JQP ...
Christmas  Merry  Merry Christmas 

Playskools "My First Dumpster Baby"
2007-12-20 23:14:00
You'd think making a kid forage for it's food underneath the couch cushions would keep the thing sickly, but there USED to be a padlock on that bin. Damn superhuman methbabies.-JQP ...
Baby 

Life Ain't Nothin But Bitches and Sims
2007-12-20 23:09:00
Tell ya what man, nothin gets under the old lady's skin more than when me and a bunch of my e-buddies get FUCKIN TANKED and have a Sim-Rager. After about 2 dozen brews, my avatar yakked all over the shitter. She pitched a bitch fit the next morning about how I gotta clean it up and I was all "Later babe, me and the boys are going down to our favorite Sim-Bar, McScallywags, for a little hair o' the dog. I'll see ya when I see ya."-JQP ...
Life 

So I Lied...
2007-12-19 19:44:00
But not about how busy I've been. I've passed the torch on to the intrepid JQP, who should be taking over the site any day now, but so far no word on when that will be.--Natty ...

SORRY THERE HAVEN'T BEEN NEW PICTURES!
2007-12-11 22:43:00
I've been very busy lately, but I can ASSURE you that some pictures will be up tomorrow. Don't give up hope, loyal readers. Both of you.--Natty ...
Pictures 

Oktoberfest
2007-11-20 20:51:00
It's a bit confusing in this photograph, but the two on the left are actually a two-headed khaki mermaid. They've captured a hookerand dragging her to a sea of neon-filled coral.--NattyNatty, I wanted to top you, but "two headed khaki mermaid" cannot be topped-RöbynnI pretty much guarantee you that Ted from finance considers himself a "skeeball expert" after having a few pitchers of watered down Long Island Iced Teas. Don't even let this dude near the Magic Touch unless you've resigned your entire evening to hearing slurred Erotic Photo Hunt pointers.Love,Brett ScieskzaThe woman on the right looks EXACTLY like the woman I tried to pick up while playing erotic photo hunt at this shitty bar while I was home for thanksgiving. Well to be fair, she's a little bit more attractive. But the picture combined with Brett's comment, is eerie. -JQPTownie bars are the best. When you walk in you’re an instant celebrity, and then when you see how cheap the beer is you buy rounds for the house th ...

Puddin' Pool
2007-11-20 20:38:00
Yeah, parties give me diarrhea too. I sympathize--RöbynnThis is a critical moment in the constant debate over what's cooler: the city, or the country. The city's got culture, and celebrities, and good parties, but it sure as shit don't got "fat bitch Snack-Pak wrasslin."Love,Brett ScieszkaI bought one of those pools when I lived with my friend and his brother in their grandmothers house after she died. It was in quasi suburbia, so we had a lawn and shit, and I wanted to take advantage of that. We had to get rid of it though because I'd come home from work 3 days out of 5 and find our other friends uncle, who's a 40something alcoholic who lives with his parents up the street, passed out in it. There was a mild concern that he'd drown in it, but my friends folks were trying to sell the house in the near future, and dead or not, "alcoholic in a kiddie pool" doesn't exactly drive up the property value. ...
Pool 

Found Makeup
2007-11-20 20:25:00
These fucking replicants get more and more convincing every day. I hardly know which ones to retire anymore.--NattyThat slut on the right is wearing plastic pumps, no pants, bad makeup, and still wants her parents to think she's putting herself through law school WAITRESSING. GET OFF THE POLE, BITCH-RöbynnIts pretty rad getting dropped off at your Grandma's house for the day. You get to hang out with your cousins and dress up in all her crazy old lady clothes, you rock her makeup and perfume like there's no tomorrow, and Grandma takes tons of glamour shot pictures. Then your Mom picks you up and its kind of a drag because she's muttering angrily about "dementia" and "alzheimers" and all this other boring adult stuff as she scrubs rouge off your face. Love,Brett Scieszka ...
Makeup 

Buddha Smile
2007-11-20 20:16:00
Being the last two people at a wiccan wedding (check the table settings) is unfortunate, because you have to go home together even if one of you looks like a gay grunge cowboy and the other one is a redhead.--NattyWho WOULDN'T be that excited to meet Eric Stolz on the set of "CowBoiz 2000"?-JQP ...
Buddha 

Bonnie and Clyde
2007-11-15 20:42:00
Our grandfathers proudly carried real Thompson submachine guns into combat with the intention of killing a few nazis and saving the world. The closest our baby-man generation will get is holding a fake one for some old-timey photo with our girlfriend who "said some very hurtful things" last night and made us cry.Love,Brett ScieszkaThe only thing worse than taking gag old-timey photo's is taking serious ones. Do you expect people to stroll into your living room and get all shocked? "Tim! Tim! TIM!! Are you a highlander? How many centuries have you lived through? I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND, TELL ME, I DESERVE TO KNOW! I can't believe I'm speaking to an immortal!" -JQP ...
Bonnie  Clyde 

Grotesque Burlesque
2007-11-15 20:35:00
I hate burlesque for several reasons: It has pretensions of class where there is none (check the heinekens,) it glorifies the 1950s (arguably the least interesting and most obnoxious decade of the 20th century,) it tells aging punkrockers that their retarded rockabilly tattoos are sexy instead of just sad, and it simultaneously claims that it's above porn while remaining substantially less arousing. I'm always tempted to boo them just because their egos need deflating. The only people who deserve self-esteem are those who I esteem. Case Closed!--NattyEver notice how its really hard to pull off a good girl band? They're usually a little too goth and overdo the sex appeal thing like crazy, but then one of the girls is inevitably a little too heavy and one has this nasty sloppy Courtney Love drunk vibe going on and you're sitting in the van after they're show and you're all thinking "how am I going to get out of here so I can bury this demo cd in my backyard."Love,Brett ScieszkaThe blond ...

Ice Cream Sandwich
2007-11-15 20:29:00
Racist people in the South have been afraid of this exact thing for years. They pictured large virile black men abducting their ugly middle aged wives and satisfying them. The reality of the matter is that these guys were just hanging out and she jumped into their arms and said "Oh lawdy, don't ravish me, mandingo!"--NattyI don't know why exactly but this picture makes me think of how tasty catfish can be when its cooked right. All with a spicy rubdown and blackened with plenty of beer to wet your whistle and maybe a bucket crawfish for an appetizer. Imagine eating catfish with that big jolly guy in the back? You guys would tell the dirtiest jokes ever.Love,Brett ScieszkaTIIIIMMBERRRRRR!-JQP ...
Cream  Ice  Ice Cream  Sandwich 

Panty Raid
2007-11-15 20:25:00
What happened? Was there one blonde couple who had no taste, style, sense of humor, intelligence, or dignity who had about ten million daughters and enough money to send them all to college in the past eight years? Because all I see when I turn on my TV or open a magazine or walk down the street is girls like this. In the future, these people might vote James Blunt into office. Beware.I went to this bonkers party this weekend where empty beer bottles were falling over and smashing everywhere, and I was talking to these awesome crazy girls who were on all kinds of brain medications, and this famous tranny named Sofia Lamar said "hi" to me. Now that I'm looking at this picture it makes me so thankful that I don't ever have to deal with insipid dullards like this. Love,Brett ScieszkaI really miss when my friend dated a girl who went to the local college in Albany a few years ago when I wasn't going to school for awhile, and we'd go walk around the dorms checking the laundry room dryers f ...

Pizza Party
2007-11-15 20:09:00
Sometimes I hate this wretched human race; slaves to biology and churlish appetites, forever following the dictates of Priapus, Eros, and a thousand more dead gods who cling to their desperate and pathetically tiny dominions within our psyches. These ancient motives run havoc within us, leading us to seek unwise refuge in the folds of a woman as pallid as extra cheese, with stretch-marks running the length of the Nile and a tongue shaped like a piece of rotten marzipan. Her veloured arms envelope us in our times of Saturnalian confusion and total despondency, as her nicotinal nymph of a friend supports us on breast and shoulder, ensuring we don't plummet into stygian blackness on the cold tile floor of our "common area." Well, I guess it could be worse. If you really want that threesome, you have to expect one of them to be less than desirable. Especially if you look like that douchebag.--NattyRemember how the first big party with girls and alcohol was in middle school? The cops come ...
Party  Pizza