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Punkeys
Punkeys is a site dedicated to exposing the true threat monkeys and all simians pose to humans, bringing proof of their plotting to the public and to also expose the \
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Don’t Get Monkey Butt
2008-05-09 16:27:16
Forget SARS, Avian Flu and the dreaded monkey pox. There’s another pandemic that is on the verge of overtaking the human race:
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Percolated Punkeys
2008-05-08 13:49:01
We are quickly allowing Punkeys to gain control over our daily lives. Now they have invaded our coffee picking and once they have control over our caffine, we will be forced to do their bidding or wander around groggy and defenseless. Either way they win! From Canada.com:
Making this specialty coffee was monkey business.
Vancouver’s 49th Parallel [...]
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Taste Test
2008-05-06 16:33:29
This disturbing image shows a baby monkey nibbling the nose of some woman. If monkeys get the taste for human flesh…we’re in deep trouble. EVERYBODY PANIC!!!
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Monkey and Man Mating….Ewww
2008-05-05 14:03:01
How desperate do you have to be to sleep with a chimp? Well…apparently as desperate as a sex deprived scientist. From Life News:
A leading scientist says the Human Fertilization and Embryology Bill the British parliament is considering is so grisly that it would allow scientists to mate humans and chimps. Dr. Calum MacKellar says he’s [...]
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Spear today, gun tomorrow?
2008-04-30 13:11:54
Probably the most disturbing story we’ve posted in a long time. From The Daily Mail:
A male orangutan, clinging precariously to overhanging branches, flails the water with a pole, trying desperately to spear a passing fish.
It is the first time one has been seen using a tool to hunt.
The extraordinary image, a world exclusive, was taken [...]
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Street Smart Punkeys
2008-04-28 14:17:07
Sometimes you can only get people to learn from experience. We’ve warned about how sly monkeys can be but it just doesn’t sink in. From the St. Petersburg Times:
Lex Salisbury figured the island, surrounded by a wide moat, would be a safe, comfortable home for the 15 monkeys rescued from Puerto Rico.
It looks like he [...]
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Punkey Punchers
2008-04-25 16:56:06
Normally we don’t condone punkey violence here. But we need some tough fighting punkeys now! Why?
We’re in the finals! Please…Please…PLEASE! Go vote for punkeys at the International Blog CupÂ
Thank you for your support!
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Jabba the Punkey
2008-04-23 13:58:58
We here in America aren’t the only ones struggling with obesity. Take a look at these tubbies in Japan. From asahi.com
SAKAI, Osaka Prefecture–Though they might worry about their own waistlines, visitors to Ohama park here don’t seem to be bothered by its roly-poly “metabolic monkeys”–in fact, they happily overfeed them.
The rise in primate rotundity is [...]
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Lights out!
2008-04-22 13:38:53
More monkey mischief in New Delhi (Occupied Territory). This time turning off the power after a theft. From Thaindian:
The Indian capital, New Delhi, is famous worldwide for its monkey menace, especially during the summer months.
People living in Delhi have grappled with the monkey menace for many years now, and over the past decade, things have [...]
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Monkeys in Space
2008-04-21 13:25:27
The russisans ae poised to unleash the unthinkable. Space bound monkeys! As this article suggests, Russians are prepping monkeys for a flight to Mars. From the BBC:
They won’t utter Yuri Gagarin’s famous phrase “Let’s go!” But the monkeys of Sochi have already proven their worth as trailblazers in space - and now they are being [...]
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Chimp Party for our 100th Post!
2008-04-18 16:18:15
Here’s a lawsuit itching to happen.
Check the supply closet…I’m sure he left a present for the birthday boy.
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India Outsourcing Monkeys
2008-04-17 13:56:32
Looks like India is finally shipping jobs overseas. Except it’s not jobs, its Punkeys! Look at this article from The Economic Times:
With the farming community being adversely affected by the huge monkey population in the state, the Himachal Pradesh government has requested the Centre to lift the ban on export of simians.
“The Forest department has [...]
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Operation: Desert Storm
2008-04-16 13:41:00
There seems to be no place on Earth safe from Punkeys. Even Taif, Saudi Arabia (Occupied Territory) is under attack. From GulfNews:
Angered over the attacks by a hungry baboon population, several inhabitants in the southern regions of Saudi Arabia have lodged complaints with the police seeking urgent intervention.
People in these regions are living in fear [...]
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Manchurian Capuchin
2008-04-15 13:28:14
Here’s a disturbing trend that sends out a red flag immediately. A woman in Florida is raising a monkey as her child. Is this their cunning plan to take over the world? From the Orlando Sentinel:
Lori Johnson was lonely and depressed after her youngest son left home in 1992. She yearned for another child to [...]
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Cocaine – Punkeys drug of choice!
2008-04-14 13:09:21
More proof the Punkeys are degenerate riff-raff. Apparently, they like the nose candy, says Wake Forest. From Science Daily:
Having a lower social standing increases the likelihood that a monkey faced with a stressful situation will choose cocaine over food, according to a study at Wake Forest University School of Medicine. More dominant monkeys undergoing the [...]
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O’rangutan escapes Dublin Zoo
2008-04-10 13:11:03
You always have to keep an eye on Punkeys. Even the supposed “quiet” ones of the orangutan family. From The Independent:
An adventurous orangutan went on-the-run yesterday in Dublin Zoo, making a bold bid for freedom after 24 years in captivity.
Maggie left her baby Mujur behind and managed to enjoy an hour on the loose wandering [...]
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Mad Monkey Roaming the Streets of Orlando! RUN!!
2008-04-09 13:04:23
Here’s an interesting story from Orlando (Occupied Territory) that baffles me, especially some of the quotes. People sure do think different in Florida. From Local 6 WKMG in Orlando:
A monkey in a diaper escaped from an Orlando home Friday and chased at least one man down a street and jumped on a woman before being [...]
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Marmoset Dreams…
2008-04-08 13:35:08
Finally, someone in the media has addressed the biggest concern we have when it comes to punkeys. Human’s natural thought process that monkeys are cute and fun. As Bill Johnson with the Rocky Mountain News admits, he too had the dream of owning a monkey. And he realized that dream could have become a nightmare. [...]
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Call of the Wild
2008-04-04 16:46:29
More disturbing facts about the Punkeys. Not only are they criminals, out to destroy humanity, but they’re righteous pervs too!
From New Scientist:
There’s something kinky going on in the world of Barbary macaques. Researchers have found the males eavesdrop on their mates having sex in order to make sure they don’t miss out on the fun [...]
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Spear today, gone tomorrow
2008-04-03 17:00:06
More mounting evidence that the Punkeys are getting more aggressive. From NPR:
A peculiar band of chimpanzees lives amid the grasslands of Senegal in western Africa.
While most chimps live in the canopies of tropical forests, these primates live mostly on the open ground of the savannah. And they have adopted highly evolved survival strategies — such [...]
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MAMA!!
2008-04-02 17:57:26
I’ve talked about Punkeys being mama’s boys in the past but here is an explanation of why. From Yahoo! India:
Why is it that some infants start crying as soon as they are separated from their mothers? Well, an American neuroscientist perhaps knows the reason.
Christina Barr of the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism in [...]
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April Fool’s Day – A chimps paradise
2008-04-01 16:48:50
As I’ve always stated, Punkeys have a keen knack of deception and trickery. This excerpt on an article at MSNBC.com backs me up:
“Some of the primates like to tease other individuals and make fun of them,” he told me. “Possibly they’re the only animals that do this - poke fun at others just for the [...]
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First impressions count. Ask any chimp…
2008-03-31 13:33:38
An interesting post about judgments from our sister blog The Power of Negative Blogging:
Think first impressions are important? So do chimps. They’re more judgmental than creationists! From Science Daily:
Chimpanzees make judgments about the actions and dispositions of strangers by observing others’ behavior and interactions in different situations. Specifically, chimpanzees show an ability to recognize certain [...]
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Recon footage
2008-03-28 12:23:38
Success! We’ve sent recon units out into the field to spy on the punkeys!
BBC One will share this new intel Sunday, March 30th. As you can see, they are gathering their gumption and seem to be unafraid of our technology.
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Chance taking chimps
2008-03-27 16:08:31
Scientists have discovered that Chimps like the “action”, which tells me they’re even more dangerous and unpredictable than before. If they are compelled to take risks over a “safe-bet” then there may be some creative attacks in our future. From the Daily Mail:
We already know that they use elaborate tools, have good memories for figures [...]
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How to Prevent or Survive a Monkey Attack
2008-03-24 12:12:29
From The Power of Negative Blogging comes some sage advice:Â
So I was surfing around the intrawebs and found this great site called:
Wikihow is site that explains how to do just about anything. Need to learn how to clean your clothes dryer vent? Or perform telekinesis? How about making up a new language? It has just about everything. So [...]
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Creepy Monkey Campaign
2008-03-21 12:11:45
Gainomax is subtly showing the powers Punkeys have. As Punkeys attempt to take over the world, they have several weapons at their disposal.
They have hypnosis:
The powers of the undead:
and, of course, their sheer cuteness:
But don’t think this is some clever ad campaign, this is a display of their powers and someday, they will unleash them [...]
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Village People
2008-03-20 12:29:23
We made it to the semis! Please go to the International Blog Cup and vote once per day for Punkeys! The semis run until the 23rd so be sure to vote every day! Thanks!ÂÂ
Apparently, the Punkeys have a rural area protecting them, not unlike the wild regions of Pakistan covering for Osama Bin Laden. Take this village in [...]
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Escape from the Lied Jungle
2008-03-19 12:25:32
Apparently the zoo in Omaha Nebraska is had a jailbreak the other day. From KETV:
Officials at the Henry Doorly Zoo said a Francois Langur monkey escaped from its exhibit on Tuesday morning in the Lied Jungle but was captured a few minutes later.
Kelly Perez and her three children were inside the Lied Jungle. Perez said [...]
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