edgeofsanity Details

Tale Of TwoVampires
2008-04-26 06:38:10
Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic.After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy because they heard that Italian food was really good.Venice. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared the vampires made their move. Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the bodies into the canal below.The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first- sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.Our vampires are fairly full now, but they decide to have dessert. In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with first two couples they were also sucked dry and thrown into the ...

Don't Make A Nurse Angry
2008-04-25 07:21:43
A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain in the ass to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.She came into his room and told him she had to take his temperature. After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth."No, I'm sorry", she said. "For this reading I cannot take it with an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining but he finally calmed down and rolled over baring his rear end.After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back."She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's Doctor comes into the room."W ...

What's Your Sign?
2008-04-21 22:14:03
Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)Your ego takes a little pounding early this week, but it won't destroy you. Just get back in that bush and wait for another lady to come along. You can do it!Taurus (20 APR-20 MAY)Now is a great time for trying out new things. Why not have a go at sex?Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)Are your lover's once quirky and cute habits now driving you bonkers? Tell him to set fire to his own farts for a change.Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)Work is getting you down, and you are feeling pretty low. Go to a bar, get drunk, and sleep with a stranger. Now that feels much better, doesn’t it?Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)Remember that hottie you met on vacation last summer? She’s been thinking about you too! She’s changed her name, cut off all ties with her family and friends and had major facial surgery. Playing hard to get? That’s such a turn-on!Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)A good friend is starting to see you in a different light. What are they doing driving round and round that part of town at this time o ...

Joke Of the Day
2008-04-19 18:17:22
I had to post this joke because I thought it was so funny! Men and Woman, you can't live with them, you can't live without them.Joe took his blind date to the Carnival. " What would you like to do first, Kim? Asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale and she weighed 117 pounds and she won a prize.Next the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over Joe asked Kim again what she wanted to do. "I want to get weighed," she saidBack to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight and Joe lost his dollar.The couple walked around the Carnival and again he asked her where to next. " I want to get weighed," she responded.By this time Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date. "How did it go?"Kim replied, " Oh Waura, it was wousy ...

Training Courses Now Available For Men
2008-04-19 18:04:18
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and Funeral4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stains: You CAN Tell the Difference6. Accepting Loss I: If It’s Empty, You Can Throw It Away7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won’t Bring It Back.8. Going To the Supermarket: It’s Not Just For Woman Any More9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes That the Electronics Came In10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam That Came In the Boxes That the Electronics Came In11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How To Remove Beard Clippings From the Sink12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Five Easy Ways To Tell When You’re About To Run Out Of Toilet Paper.13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Let’s Wash Those Towels!14. Giving Back To the Community: How To Donate Those Fifteen Year Old Cargo Pants To Goodwill15. Retro, Or Just ...

Doggy Problems
2008-04-15 02:35:30
Have you ever had a dog you could not do anything with? You know, shitting on the floor next to your bed so your first step is cold squishy crap squeezing up between your toes. How many pairs of shoes has the little bastard chewed up?And why do they think they have to hump every leg that comes into view. Do they think people like that? Is this a way they tell us how much they love us? They are forever sticking their wet nose right in your crotch. Have a friend over and then feel helpless as you watch your horny dog sniff the crotch and hump every leg in sight. If that is not embarrassing enough then they decide now is the time to show off that neat little trick they learned. You know, dragging their ass as far as they can because they do not know how to pinch a loaf correctly?After all the crotch sniffing and leg humping then it is time to take a bath. They stop what they are doing, lay in the middle of the floor where they can be assured they have everyone’s attention and then pr ...

Black Holes Found In Cyber Space
2008-04-12 01:36:01
A screenshot from the University of Washington's Hubble Web site pinpoints "black holes" on the Internet. Green pointers indicate black holes that have lasted less than 8 minutes. Yellow, pink and red pointers highlight Internet addresses that have been inaccessible for longer periods.You have just posted the best comment ever. This one will win you the Putzer award of all times. It’s craftily written with just the right amount of wit, humor and cynicism. You smile at yourself smugly and see yourself winning every blogger award out there. People will talk about you and they will covet your luminous musings.Now you hit the button , the Mother button to send this award winning comment and there it is, the working hourglass. That dubious little icon that tells you somewhere in the midst of all the inner workings and miles of wires your computer is working it’s little ass off to post your delectable tidbit.You wait, thinking come on, come on. Still an hour glass. You can’t hit refres ...

Link Love Tuesday
2008-04-08 16:40:13
After midnight. We gonna let it all hang out. Ooops, Sorry A little piece of me just slipped out. I do know if I don’t keep what I have in then I will have a regretful morning. My twisted sister will be trying to british speak and tell me to get my arse in the house. I usually tell her so now what? She says, “Well shoot fire and save matches, How the hell do I know?” She thinks she is loquaciously verbose. I just tell her to go back to her shuttered life. Later she tells me, “I am going to make a juice smoothie“. I just don’t like saphrym in it. I yell and tell her “It’s not saphrym it’s saccharin you infected loser! “ Oooh thatgrrl!. I yelled in the kitchen and told her to make me one and put it in my thermos. Such is life, that tenacious creation. ...

Lollapalooza 2008 Is Coming!!!
2008-04-08 04:17:54
Lallapalooza is here at last. This August 1-3rd is the date and the location is Grant Park near Lake Michigan in Chicago. This is going to be one of the years best with artists ranging from Nine Inch Nails to Bloc Party.Some of the years hottest stars will play to thousands of fans. The early bird tickets are already sold out and this is 4 months before the actual event. Advance 3 day tickets are on sale for $190 and the regular 3 day tickets will be sold for $205. Remember the regular tickets go on sale when the advance tickets are gone. From the looks of things this will not be long. I would love to go this year. Some of my faves will be playing.This years lineup will include:RadioheadKanye WestWilcoRage Against the MachineNine Inch NailsGnarls BarkleyBloc PartyLupe FiascoThe Black KeysBroken Social SceneCut PowerMark RonsonLove and RocketsFlogging MollyThis is sure to be a spectacular event with some of the industries hottest stars. For more exciting information go to Lollapalooza . ...

Vacations You Would Be Proud To Go On
2008-04-04 01:23:39
The birds are singing and the fish are jumping. Most of us have dug out of the snow and it will be vacation time again before we know it. For that time of the year when we tune up our cars and get the luggage dusted off, I have some vacation tips to ensure you and your family have the best vacation ever. Be the envy of your friends when you tell them where you spent your summer vacation.Cheese rolling on Cooper’s Hill in Gloucestershire takes place on Spring bank MondayBest of all it is freeAll persons attending the event, including those persons using the press compound area, do so entirely at their own risk. You are reminded that it is your responsibility to carry out an appropriate risk assessment and take all necessary precautions to ensure your personal safety.The annual event which can claim a Saxon pedigree, sees competitors hurl themselves down a very steep incline (one in two in places), following a massive Double Gloucester cheese which rolls at an estimated 70 miles per h ...

Tuesday Link Love Story
2008-04-01 17:10:30
I like writing silly little stories using your links. Some will be short and some might not be done, if only because some are a little on the odd side. I will try and if you don't see your link here, check back next week. It might just be in my silly little story.When things get dark and you feel like you need a bullet for your .45, if only to stop the madness because you know reality is over rated. Stop and put on your Monkey chapps , grab your dead rooster and head for a nice place in the sun.Why should you care? Why not? This is not monkey fables and tales. Because I can! is what you tell yourself. Go, go and get some j. donuts and don’t say” they make mapiles hurt”Look for a flower with a bluestem and write about it. You know chalkischeap. Tell everyone “I found --t!I found the meaning of life. ...

I Truly Am a Cynic
2008-03-29 23:50:46
Why you might ask? Because the assholes in the world far outnumber the good guys. I firmly believe this. How many SCREAMING blogs have you seen? â€œMake money with me!â€, â€œYou canâ€™t make money without thisâ€œ, â€œbuy my e book and learn how I made a fortuneâ€ Now you know most of these are making money hand over fist. But what they donâ€™t tell you is they are making money off all the suckers that fork ...

Can you Forget Your First Ever?
2008-03-28 03:28:02
Remember your first? Your first puppy love? Your first kiss? Your first home run? Those were certainly milestones in your life. Remember meeting a friend for the first time? How you knew that you would like each other right away? You could talk and talk and never run out of things to say. You could laugh at each others craziness and cry over each others sadness. How about the friend you have ...

Donkey Racing In Texas
2008-03-28 00:48:21
A preacher wanted to earn money for his church in Texas. He had heard there was big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However at the auction, the going prices for horses were too steep and the preacher ended up buying a donkey. The preacher figured since he had the donkey, he might as well enter it in the races. The next day the donkey came in ...

Enough of the Maudlin Pontifications!!!!
2008-03-27 21:38:14
Whoah, I think I fell asleep and a Gremlin was in here writing posts. Was that maudlin or what. I have not said anything bad in a couple of posts now and I feel like I am going through withdrawals. There are a lot of things I could say but one thing that sticks out is baggy pants and the N word. I know when I was growing up we had some fashion statements that my parents hated. Hip huggers. My ...

I Wrote a Story Using My Favorite Links.
2008-03-25 23:19:17
My story is about a strange life. My strange life. I had a real weird dream the other night. I had been out the night before drinking debontherocks and eating gorillasushi. That alone probably contributed to my dream. Boy I don’t know if I can handle the mix of those two again! In my dream I ran into Lordlikely and you can just imagine what he wanted to do! He wanted to do an evilwoobie on me. I ...

Animal Links
2008-03-24 23:23:31
See that list over on my sidebar? Those animal names are actually links to blogs. Good blogs too. I want you to click on one of them and go check them out. Oh don't give me that. Come over here and let me slap the peewaddling out of you. I thought so. Go on click one it won't hurt, I swear it. Then when you are done go over to Blogcatalog and join the best group there is. It will be the best ...

I Have Stumbled, Digg'd and Technorati'd
2008-03-23 04:47:37
I notice that not a lot of bloggers blog on the weekend. I blog every chance I get! But seeing as it is kinda slow I take this time to really read the blogs I don't see as much as I would like. My good friend Jim is back at Jim's scratchings and boy did I miss him. I look forward to the never ending stories about beautiful Ireland as only Jim can tell. I went to humor blogs and perused some blogs ...

Make Your Own Site My Ass!
2008-03-21 20:24:32
I have to tell you, making your own web site is the biggest bunch of bull shit ever. I admit it, when it comes to code like HTML, XHTML, CSS AND JAVA SCRIPT I am totally a dipshit. Now I know there are a lot of you out there that are thinking "what a dumb ass" and you would be correct. But, I know I am not the only one that can't do it. I have seen posts where someone says" how can they blog ...

What is Funny? or I Know Why You Left Me
2008-03-20 12:29:05
What is funny? Is it slapstick? Is it situational? I think sometimes humorous writing takes some talent. I can do the funniest imitations and describe someone and my friends die laughing. I have been told many many times I could and should be a stand up comedian. That will never happen and since I love to make people laugh sometimes my writing comes across harsh. I have never intended to hurt ...

Conversational Tidbits to Share With Friends
2008-03-19 16:20:46
Whatever happens, look as if it were intended. If you can smile when something goes wrong then you have someone in mind to blame. Give a man a fish and feed him for a week. Teach him the Internet and he won’t bother you for weeks. If you look like your passport picture, then you probably need the trip You know you are dieting when postage stamps taste good. When in doubt, mumble If a cow ...

Sure Fire Home Remedies
2008-03-17 08:49:13
Here are a few of my home remedies that are sure to get you back on track. Enjoy! 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by having someone else hold the vegetable. 3. Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat by using the ...

The Makings of a Serial Killer
2008-03-16 00:05:44
I had a very weird conversation yesterday with some friends of mine. I just got the boys a wrist slingshot and even though we live in a rural setting they both know they are not to kill animals for fun. I am talking about random acts of killing, you know bird in the bush, rabbit in the field, brother in a tree. So anyhow, one of the guys spoke up and said he used to kill everything. He fed a crow ...

Oh You Athol!
2008-03-13 15:45:21
Comcast Sportsnet agreed Thursday to pull an ad that leaders of a Massachusetts town calls mocking, insulting and offensive. The two side by side ads read " We can pronounce Worcester with out sounding like an Athol". Its reference to the odd pronunciations of some Massachusetts town names was meant to underscore the ad campaign's tag line: "If you live here, you get it." The name of the town is ...

No! I Love The Bathroom
2008-03-13 15:28:28
I swear I have now heard it all. Here is a 35 year old woman who decided she liked her boyfriend's bathroom more than any other room in the house. I thought men took a lot of time taking a crap but this woman takes the booby prize for staying on the pot longer than any man thought possible. Police refused to give this couple's names and I for one wouldn't tell anyone either. The boyfriend called ...

Relay For Life, Giving To Cancer Fighting
2008-03-09 16:24:50
Saturday dawned cloudy and windy, with storms continuing. We had planned on the children running in the Relay for Life race at 10:00 am. We all headed out already knowing that the race would go on in spite of rain. We arrived in a slight drizzle and picked up their numbers and the shoe chips. They each received a nice T shirt and some other little things from all the Sponsors. The first race was ...

What I Learned From the Law
2008-03-05 23:21:47
Middlezonemusings is having a WILF contest. Here is my entry. Oh this is going to fun to dredge all this back up. Here goes. Once upon a time I was a normal, middle aged Mom and Wife. Then, IT happened. I had my face plastered all over the news on an AMBER alert. I wasn't missing, but according to one of my children my Grandchildren were kidnapped. By me. The person who raised them from infancy ...

How We Deal With Unexpressed Anger
2008-03-05 23:10:24
The things in this life that are hard to deal with are often the things that others think are no big deal. We each have a way to deal with hard issues that come up. Individuality is what makes our lives so much more enriching. Some people don't have the coping skills that the fortunate do. Is this what happens with being raised by parents who also don't have the skills and therefore cannot pass ...

Winter at the Old Home Place
2008-03-04 00:19:46
I have a couple of pictures of winter at my place. I have a beautiful place that I call home and I have 11 acres to go with it. Three quarters of a mile of it is bordered with a rather large creek. The kids swim in it in the summer and marvel at it's frozen surface in the winter. There are so many different varieties of plants that pop up everywhere in the spring. It is ...

New Humor Blog Carnival Posted
2008-02-29 14:54:35
In case anyone is interested, pointlessbanter is hosting the first ever blog carnival for humor blogs. If you want to read some good humor blogs then go to blogcatalog and check them out. ...

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