Politically Blonde Satirical blogging about the rants and raves of everyday life. Witty, fun, and slightly offensive.

Statistics Unique Visitors: Total Unique Visitors: Visitors Out: Total Visitors Out: 0 0 37 37

Back From Vacation
2008-05-27 15:09:29
So now I’m back to sitting in a ratty chair all day while getting paid to surf the internet, pick at my skin, stare at the walls, deny creepy friend requests, &/or shit my braincells away playing Tetris. Oh, and I forgot my lunch. Worst thing ever. I’m so hungry right now, my hair looks [...] ...

“You got Rick Rolled! Hur Hurr!!”
2008-04-19 07:29:00
All I wanted to do during my lunch break this afternoon was watch the new episode of South Park via Youtube. Bad idea. Every time I thought I found the right video, it would turn out to be Rick Astley’s nerd ass trying to dance and look gay in a giant trench coat. For those [...] ...

Need Shit You Can’t Afford? Steal It From Wal-Mart.
2008-03-04 01:11:14
If you’ve ever shoplifted before, odds are Wal-Mart was your first gig. It’s overcrowded, it’s everywhere, and it’s operated by employees who wouldn’t recognize their own reflection in a mirror. I first heard about Wal-Mart’s five finger discount when I was a junior in high school after my friend stole a Christmas tree from the [...] ...

MTV’s Sweet 16
2008-02-28 23:20:55
I was watching that Sweet 16 show on MTV during my lunch break this afternoon, and at one point I actually wished someone dead. Watching a 16-year-old spend thousands of dollars celebrating a day that should have never occurred in the first place is like gargling battery acid, minus the pleasant taste. Every so often, [...] ...

Russ Martin Sucks
2008-02-14 06:18:29
This afternoon the bf and I got in an argument over the radio - one of our favorite past times. He has this thing for The Russ Martin Show, and I have this thing for music. Needless to say we were having issues over which station to play. Like most radio personalities, Russ Martin has one [...] ...

The New Guy
2008-02-09 06:22:09
There’s this new guy at work and I already hate him. He smells like crap, says “howdy” instead of hello, smokes at least 46 times a day, and whistles everywhere he fucking goes. People who whistle should have their tongues removed. People who whistle at work should just die. But since the universe doesn’t work [...] ...

Children In Movie Theaters
2008-02-07 21:00:05
The hell is up with parents taking their kids to R-rated movies after 10pm? There’s a reason people go to the theater that late, and it isn’t for the jacked up ticket prices - it’s to avoid children. A couple years ago, some friends and I decided to see the worst movie ever, The Hills Have [...] ...
Children  Movie  Theaters 

Cloverfield - Problems and Solutions
2008-01-31 05:35:29
Problem: Fat guy videotaping everything. Very unrealistic. In real life, people would’ve been too busy shitting their pants. Solution: Let Godzilla do the recording. Strap a camcorder around its neck Blair Witch style, and we’re good to go. Problem: A group of friends risk their lives for some ugly chick. Also not realistic. Solution: A group of friends [...] ...
Cloverfield  Solutions 

Screw You, Hershey’s
2008-01-28 23:44:27
This morning I decided to have breakfast courtesy of the local convenient store. As usual, I opted for a Hershey’s with almonds, a/k/a the best candy bar ever. However, there seemed to be something different about the wrapper this time. Just above the Hershey’s logo was a sign which read, “Check out Brad Paisley’s Bonfires [...] ...
Screw 

I Support Cocaine
2008-01-25 03:45:49
No, not the drug dipshits, the energy drink. Unfortunately, the FDA banned it on the premise that it was “both a street drug alternative and a dietary supplement.” So where’s the problem? Both drug addicts and fat asses can benefit from this stuff. But no. Some Melvin had to call it “immoral.” Go figure, the [...] ...
Support 

Abstract My Ass
2008-01-23 18:15:34
According to Wikipedia, this is what abstract art looks like: According to me, abstract art looks like this: I could piss on a pile of leaves, and call it abstract. So what differentiates my pile of piss leaves from that other crap? Nothing. Elitist assholes like to pretend they understand the significance behind a cluster of paint [...] ...

The View - At a Glance
2008-01-22 02:25:05
If the 7th circle of hell were to somehow metamorphose into a TV show, its name would be The View. Barbara Walters would play the three-headed dog that captures everyone’s soul, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck would be her two-headed brother, Orthus. The other hell hounds would include a panel of 3 vaginas, whose purpose as such [...] ...
View 

“What Are You Wearing? Because I’m Creepy & Need to Know.”
2008-01-20 08:08:16
A guy gets horny and asks a girl what she’s wearing. I fucking hate that. Why do you care what I’m wearing? Next time, I’m going to respond simply with “Kotex.” Yes, the period pad. That way he’ll be completely disgusted, chop off his dick, and never ask questions again. Same thing goes for dirty talk. [...] ...
Creepy 

Midget Tossing
2008-01-17 02:39:24
Every so often a word or phrase will spontaneously come to mind. Today that phrase was midget tossing. The meaning behind it is pretty self-explanatory - you pick up a midget, and toss them as far as possible. Unfortunately, that’s about the extent of my knowledge on the subject. Therefore, I decided to consult Google [...] ...

Why I Hate the Mall
2008-01-15 16:13:58
I would rather pay all the online shipping charges in the world than shop at the mall, and here’s why: 1.) The people. This, of course, is the biggest reason. If I had the money, I’d create a mall where all of its shoppers were aesthetically perfect. No one would smell, and everyone would have to [...] ...