It's a Funny Thing... Details

It's a funny thing... is a mostly daily commentary on topics ranging from everyday events to international crises. The incredibly large and well-paid staff at It's a Funny Thing... has never believed that staggering ignorance should be an impediment to the exploration of complex and thought-provoking issues. The Editor and Chief of IAFT is Don Lewis. He currently writes the Back Porch humor column

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Self Defense - The Fundamental Human Right
2008-05-16 02:22:57
WARNING: INTENTIONALLY UNFUNNY BLOG POST!Today is a rather special day. In conjunction with BlogCatalog, blog writers around the world are demonstrating support for human rights in the "Bloggers Unite for Human Rights." Campaign.When I heard about it, I decided to address, what to me at any rate, is the most basic of human rights: the Right to self-defense.Indeed, it is that Right alone that ultimately allows all other Rights to be exercised. After all, if you have no right to defend yourself and those you hold dear from attack, be it from a mugger, a rapist, or an Army, then no other Right can endure. And if self-defense isn't an inherent Right of humanity then it can only be a "Privilege" bestowed by Government (And therefore revocable at will.)I mentioned my plan on one of the discussions at BlogCatalog, and was immediately referred to the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which was written in 1948. Since I couldn't find anything there, I asked the question "Isn ...

Terminal Camping
2008-05-14 18:16:56
Welcome to Camp Donner Party! Finally a family camp designed for the Urban Eco-Warrior! At Camp Donner Party you can live the lifestyle that you've been trying to foist off on the rest of us for so long!Here at Camp Donner Party, you will be able to escape the trappings of civilization, and forgo all those troublesome aspects of modern living, like; plentiful food, relative safety, and old age.And a vacation at Camp Donner Party is economical too! No return trip arrangements!At Camp Donner Party we take the 'Civil' out of Civilization!Activities at Camp Donner Party!Cardiovascular exercise!Swimming and non-invasive fishing!(Mmmm! Mmm! They're biting today!)Low Carbon "Foot" Print Cooking!Hunting and Gathering!Camp Donner Party also offers:The Virtual Rain Forest Experience!Environmentally friendly living facilities.And complete "lifestyle appropriate" medical care.So make your reservations for Camp Donner Party today! If you're going to talk the talk, then be sure you've walked the ...

Is that Genocide with a 'G'?
2008-05-12 17:47:07
Hello, and welcome to "It takes Public Funding." I'm your host, Aldus Cadaver.Today we look at the situation in Darfur. Not actually the situation in Darfur per se, because to be honest, the place is full of very, very black poor people with bad teeth. And we understand that it's quite hot there as well.No, we will conduct our investigation of the Darfur situation here in New York, where we will be interviewing the very white and economically comfortable Mr. Cypher H. Enigma, United Nations Assistant Under-Secretary to the Subcommittee on the Darfur Genocide Question.Aldus: Good afternoon Mr. Secretary, I would like to begin by saying you have wonderful teeth.Mr. Enigma: Why thank you Aldus, and please, call me Cy.Aldus: Very well, Cy. Let's get right to the question at hand. The situation in Darfur began in 2003. Since the conflict's inception, it is estimated that between 200,000 to 400,000 mostly black and impoverished people have been killed.The principal responsibility for th ...

Good News! April 15th is Just a Suggestion!
2008-05-10 20:43:42
Boldly breaking my own unbreakable rule about not putting any video up on my blog was not an easy decision. But I have done so for three reasons.One - I didn't have anything else to put up for the all-important competitive Friday Blog Sweeps.Two - This video does meet my stringent standards for really funny in a strange way.Three - I just can't help myself. People really ought to see this!First off, a tip of the hat to Anok at Identity Check for bring this to my attention. She posted the transcript of this video over at her blog, and I did my due diligence to make sure it was real. Nothing personal Anok, but I just found it incredible that a US Senator could say things like this.Harry Reid, US Senate Majority LeaderWhen I mentioned this exchange on a discussion group, the Kool-Aid drinkers started yammering about entrapment by a clever anti-government antagonistic interviewer. But the vid doesn't show any such thing. And I mean, lets get real.Harry Reid is the Senate Majority Leader. ...

Block Head
2008-05-08 19:01:48
Now! From the company that created edible swim ware (We were so close!) comes the newest product that no home, no person, should be without.Introducing :Le Bloc!What does it do????What doesn't it do!!!!Le Bloc is so versatile, you'll wonder what you ever did to deserve it!A thousand and one uses!**(Actual number of uses may vary. We've found 5.)Always losing your place when you put down that thrilling novel or important business proposal? Le Bloc will not only hold your place for you, it will make it practically impossible for you to misplace your book!Men - Self conscious because size really does matter? Worried that your "package" doesn't measure up? Are you looking for the "edge" that will really impress the ladies? Le Bloc is the solution you've been waiting for! No more messy creams or stinging ointments. No more vacuum tubes or small clip-on weights! And no more embarrassment because your sock roll has unraveled.At last you'll be sporting a real 'woody'!And for the Ladies: Le B ...

Jumping the Shark
2008-05-06 07:53:48
Increased shark attacks worldwide have a lot of folks worried. And the growing evidence of the poor eating habits of sharks is being touted by some as the newest indication of global warming.Well, why not? Things haven't been working out well for the warmies recently. The increased hurricane activity that was predicted by the global warming computer models hasn't shown up. And according to NASA, the ocean waters aren't getting warmer like they are supposed to. Plus, we seem to be in a rather marked cooling trend. So ANYTHING actually increasing is being grabbed at like a life raft by the purveyors of human caused sweat.But with the sharks, the evidence is comfortingly overwhelming. Last year, there was one fatal shark attack worldwide. This year so far there have been four, and it's only May. And since the very authoritative article I read all of this in didn't mention it, I have to assume there were no fatal shark attacks before 2007 - otherwise it would make this whole shark- ...

The Best Defense is Offensive
2008-05-03 09:37:35
Once again I find myself sorely beset. LOBO, the nefarious editor of The Predator Press is after me again.This morning, after returning from an invigorating walk across our local lake, I decided to see what was new in the world of my fellow bloggers.This time, in an apparent fit of pique over my wise decision to ignore any further barbs throw by the misguided mad m..sad fellow, LOBO is now threatening to take his Predator Press Lifetime Achievement Award away from me.Indeed, he is even attempting to foist this NOW debased award off on other unsuspecting bloggers of quality.Naturally, I care noting about awards. Indeed, when those Nobel people came to me yammering something about a "Piece Prize" or some such nonsense, I told them. "No Gentlemen, it won't do. It simply won't do. Give your Award to some lesser light. Perhaps someone in need of encouragement."Hey Fella!I won this fair and square!In hindsight, it was perhaps, a bad idea.But in this case there is a higher principle to be ser ...

Three Blogs For May
2008-05-01 19:05:23
Happy May Day Comrades!Today's blog is another attempt to increase my readership by pointing you at other blogs. I'm not sure why that should work, but it has the advantage of being completely incomprehensible.As I usually do when the mood hits me, I'm going to highlight three blogs that I read with pretty much daily regularity. While there is humor in all three, humor isn't really the criteria for these selections. All three blogs do share two extremely important traits however. One, I like 'em. And two, they are are all better written than mine.Let me begin however by calling your attention to the blogroll to your right. My blogroll is dedicated entirely to those blogs that I find funny. If it's there, its because the blog listed makes me laugh. And I read every one of them regularly. It's also a very handy tool for me to use when I can't think of anything funny to write about. It's a lot easier to steal something if you've cased the joint first.Let's begin with a seriously funn ...

This Magic Moment
2008-04-29 22:05:20
Breaking News!Today the President of the United States, George Bush, announced the development of a "Magic Wand" that would solve the oil crisis.At least that's the way I heard it. I'm not quite clear on the whole thing, as I had just stumbled into the shop while suffering from an excess of morning. But on the shop radio, I quite clearly heard the President mention "Magic Wand" at least three times in conjunction with high fuel costs and the need to drill in ANWR. (The Arctic national wildlife refuge.)I guess when you're a lame duck, you can pretty much say anything; in the sure and certain knowledge that no one is really paying any attention.Happy Tuesday all. It's just another brick in the wall.Don't forget to head over to humor-blogs.com for more breaking news!:S ...

Stimulating Your Interest
2008-04-28 18:07:57
Once again proving that a Nation and it's money are soon parted; starting in May, the printing presses at the US mint will be running at warp nine, (Ah dinna' think she can take much more Captain!) churning out cash as fast as the President can propose it and the Congress can spend it.Ed. Note: There are two things wrong with the previous sentence. One, Congress doesn't authorize the actual printing of much money anymore. Why bother? Just hold the zero button down on the computer link to the Fed until your finger gets tired and then go on Recess. The other thing wrong is that there is really no way to upload those zeros faster than Congress spends it.Anyway, come May, some 130 million households will be receiving "economic stimulus payments". 130 million households may seem like a lot. It may actually seem like too much. According to the US census, there's only 126 million housing units. So at least a few million "households" must either be bunking up or have headed back to Mexico fo ...

Climate Change, Human Destruction and Bikinis
2008-04-25 18:57:38
NORTH-WEST-CENTRAL IDAHO- A report, recently published in the American Journal of Human Genetics shows that early human life on the Earth was nearly wiped out as a result of an extreme period of Global Warming that occurred between 135,000 and 90,000 years ago.The study, which made use of mitchondrial DNA,(Or midi-chlorians, depending on your movie taste.) showed that the human population of the planet was nearly destroyed during the early stone age, with perhaps as few as 2000 members of the species left alive in Africa: before Global Cooling returned and allowed the expansion of the human race to its present-day numbers.Paleontologist Meave Leakey, commented: "Who would have thought that as recently as 70,000 years ago, extremes of climate had reduced our population to such small numbers that we were on the very edge of extinction."The American Society of Scientists, in a new and very close alliance with the Holistic Organization of Liberal Environmentalists was quick to announce th ...

A Thursday Kind of Day
2008-04-24 09:02:30
Happy Thursday!The Thought for Thursday:Remember, no matter how bad your day is going...It can always get a little bit worse.(Special thanks to Debra and the unknown photographer!)Just a word of crass commercialism. I have re-opened my web page:Don Lewis Designs(Managed to have some extra pieces for a couple of wholesale orders I just shipped. Nows your chance to own a fine hand-crafted tankard, stein, or goblet made personally by the humor-king of North-west-central Idaho!) More humor abounds at humor-blogs.com. Check them out and thereby help me out. Thanks.:> ...

The Dental Plan Part 2.
2008-04-23 08:28:04
It was time to make my move. I knew it wouldn't be easy. There were powerful forces arrayed against me. But the Tooth Fairy Ninja knows no fear! (Unless I get caught. Then I'll be whining like a baby, but that only seems reasonable.)For those of you who haven't read my previous blog entry, this all may seem like the ravings of a lunatic. So I highly recommend that you go there, and read The Dental Plan Part 1. first.It's always a pleasure to confirm the accuracy of your first impressions.Anyway,Having inadvertently gone to bed before delivering the "package" under the pillow of my daughter (Let's call her the Dragon Girl, it makes it more fun.) I now realized that I would have to face the perils of the "Farmhouse of Doom." (This is getting better all the time.)I wanted to complete the mission of getting the dollar under the Dragon Girl's pillow, while simultaneously collecting the fabulous "Tooth of Adolescence" all the while remaining undetected by either the Dragon Girl or by my Ar ...

The Dental Plan
2008-04-21 18:02:19
I was sitting at my computer last night, busily going through the eReams of on-line periodicals I peruse every night. I had just started an in-depth scan of the 'Weekly World Standard' website.I'd made a vow to bring you, my readers, the latest news and information, and as a part of that sacred trust, I was intently studying an important photograph of potentially Galactic Significance, when my wife came up behind me."Don, don't forget that Lucy needs a visit from the 'tooth fairy' tonight" She showed me an envelope covered in childish scrawl. Then she glanced at the computer screen."Oh God! Get that thing off of there before the kids see it! You are such a pervert!"What? I happen to think that a two-headed alien just might be of great interest to my fans! This is scientific research!""And the four breasts?""I...didn't notice." Nevertheless, I minimized the screen. Women just don't understand science."Now my little Chickadee, what were you saying?""I said, don't forget to slip a dollar ...

Meme, Meme, Tekel, Upharsin
2008-04-20 06:11:18
I HAD planned to take the weekend off from blogging so as to enjoy the bounties of Spring here at the Neverland Ranch (North). However, the fates have conspired against me. Not only are we experiencing record breaking cold. (I won't say it. I'm practicing civility this week.) I'm also finding myself awash in Memes. (You'd think the cold would kill them off, it just took care of all of the mosquitoes.)Unfortunately I procrastinated in installing Anti-Meme software.And since these two memes where directed my way by a couple of bloggers who used to have my highest respect, I feel compelled to respond.In order of infestation we have:BrentD over at The Ominous Comma, who is apparently still miffed about the cigarette burns on his water bed frame. (See here.) He has therefore sent the following meme my way. The fact that LOBO was responsible for all the carnage at his place apparently means nothing to BrentD. Fine. I can handle that. Just remember Brent, I was the one who kept the fire from ...

When the Choice is: Death or Dating
2008-04-18 19:50:43
There is a difference between my mind and the minds of a lot of other people. (Right! I know what you're thinking! But ask yourself, if I'm reading this what does that make me?) I'm not suggesting that there's anything superior or amazing between my ears. The difference doesn't impart any special skills or anything like that. In fact, from the stand point of an enhanced survival trait, it's right up there with being able to whistle on the inhale.But, surprisingly, many of my readers share this mental aberration with me. How do I know that? A lot of you think I'm funny.So what is this trait that haunts so many of us?It's the chronic inability to leave well enough alone. I'm just incapable of reading something, following it to its logical conclusion, calling it a day, and going to bed. Nope, I've got to worry that simple news item until it suffers a nervous breakdown. Pull on it here and there, stretch it out of all proportion, twist it till the ink runs out along with any remnants of re ...

Optimism is Essential (A Thursday Short)
2008-04-17 18:16:05
Happy Thursday!I'm so busy cataloging all my new love interests, that I haven't written one of my wandering diatribes today. But fear not (Unless fear is an integral part of your holistic being. I want you complete.)Meanwhile, just a little pictorial thought for the day:And two great quotes for the day as well:"Optimism is that State of Mind that keeps us from noticing the stress fractures in the bamboo."and:"Self-deception is essential to human life."(See my last post.)See you tomorrow with a look at my new dating service.Want a bigger hit of caffeine enriched humor Java?Then click here at humor-blogs.com. And Thank You.:> ...

I Have an Edge.
2008-04-16 18:55:24
The other day, as I was answering the comments on my attempt to be north-west-central Idaho's answer to Ansel Adams, I came across the following:"Jim says: Hey Don! I'm Jim, I'm your #1 fans husband. Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed the pictures. It truly is beautiful there. And of course I clicked on the link for the humor-blogs. I enjoy your writing too!"(Oh Geezz! I hate it when this happens. It's always so darn awkward. Well, I might as well get it over with.)Hi Jim.Thanks for the kind words and of course the click......Jim, there's no use beating around the bush. We're both men of the World. Lets face reality.It's obvious that your wife is obsessed with me. It happens. Frequently.All I can say is she'll get over me...with time. I want you to understand that its not your fault. I mean, look at me!I care for you Jim, and I don't want you to do anything crazy. (Like coming here and beating me up.)Jim, I can well imagine that your life is now a living hell. It's: "Oh ...

LOBO Throws Down the Gauntlet (and breaks his toe)
2008-04-15 06:40:02
Yesterday, after giving an emergency sermon at my church, (The pastor had come down with a nasty case of scurvy, the poor man.) I was spending a typical Sunday afternoon knitting doilies for those poor unfortunates of our State born with naked credenzas.But before starting out on my customary visit to the frail 90 year old grandmother across the canyon (yes, it did mean a three hour hike through Sasquatch infested tarns, but she so looks forward to the brownies.), it suddenly occurred to me that I should check up on that misguided, but lovable scamp, LOBO. (Someday, maybe, my prayers will help to turn him from his desolate ways into a useful member of society. A chimney sweep perhaps; or a door stop.)Imagine my surprise and disappointment to see that the wayward rogue was again up to his usual tricks (Shaking a weary and some say 'saintly' head at the follies of the world.) This time the miscreant was impugning my character with regards to his scurrilous behavior in the "Comma" caper ...

Fromr the Ridiculous to the Sublime
2008-04-11 18:47:04
Because I am well known for not being able to do things in the correct order: today, we go from the ridiculous to the sublime.It seems like practically every humor blogger out there has started a photo blog.I have enough trouble just keeping my promise to post (nearly) everyday another humorous piece. And there are those who say I do OK with the first part of the sentence but am less than successful fulfilling it's end.Be that as it may, I am always willing to be sucked into the latest fad. But as usual, I like to do things with a twist. So for today, this is my photo blog.The real twist in this case is that, in keeping with my slothful ways, I am posting 12 pictures. How's that lazy? Well, with the exception of the last one, every single picture was taken within 100 feet of where I'm sitting right now.While this may prove my lack of motivation, I think it will also go a long way towards demonstrating that I am one of the luckiest guys on Earth.So, let's go.The cattle corral. Fortunat ...

The Debate is Over!
2008-04-09 19:11:38
Once again, I Comandante D, have taken control of this tool of the oppressors to bring you news of the glorious struggle!Today, we of the Plant Liberation Army-PLA (nt) bring you information on a problem that has far-reaching political and economic consequences for all the people of Earth. I'm referring of course, to the now closed debate on: Global Eating. As the graph below clearly demonstrates, over time there is a near perfect correlation between increased food consumption and world-wide death.There are of course detractors. People who refuse to see the truth, or who even deny reality. Many of these are scientists who are in the pay of BIG FOOD.But the facts speak for themselves."Every year, more and more food is produced and consumed. And every year, more people die."(Source: Me, Just Now)We must therefore, as a world of uncaring individuals and caring collectives, begin NOW to stop this march to extinction. For this reason, it is imperative that the United States sign the Tijuan ...

Nuk! Nuk! Nuk!
2008-04-08 18:03:20
My thoughts on this year's election in a single picture.Thanks to Debra, my number one fan, and to the unknown photo-manipulator who thought this one up.There are other great humor pieces to be seen at humor-blogs.com. give it a try, you'll like it! ...

Emergency Preparedness Part 1.
2008-04-07 17:59:16
Today I would like to depart from my usual frivolity and talk about something of importance to everyone: emergency preparedness. Whether its a tornado, flood, or a new season of Celebrity Apprentice; disaster can hit without warning. Are you prepared? Probably not. Fully 75% of you fall within the three-quarters of people reading this now. A frightening statistic to be sure. And it gets worse (Or it will, if I don't think of something funny soon.).Suppose you got lost in the woods? Why are you in the woods, you ask? You wouldn't go near the woods for a thousand dollars, you say? Leaf mold gives you hives, you exclaim?Give me a break people!At least half of all disasters occur in the woods. Didn't you people ever watch any 1980's slasher flicks? It's either a high rise building taken over by an evil janitorial computer or a bunch of college kids attacked by DNA deficient Cooter look-alikes. And I know absolutely zip about high rises. So shut your whiny traps and get under the trees you ...

Calling a Spade a Shovel
2008-04-05 08:47:41
I was working in the shop today when I heard something on the radio that made me stop in my tracks. Unfortunately the jointer didn't stop and I lost a real nice board of walnut. And a window. It was a big discussion about a "pregnant man". Now I realize that being in North-west-central Idaho, I'm a little bit behind when it comes to the newest things in science and technology. I mean, stop lights? Who saw that coming? But a pregnant Man?Obviously the first question was, is he really pregnant? Perhaps Oprah isn't up on all the various male permutations? (Especially the different models available in the 'real-man' west).Then we need to figure out how the guy got knocked up. Was this a planned pregnancy or just another one of those sad tales of too much alcohol, a smooth talker, and a failure to use protection?I really wasn't sure about the whole physiological potential for a male pregnancy. Most guys I know really don't like to talk about those kinds of things. As long as the external ...

Road Warriors
2008-04-01 04:58:04
Hell0 my faithful readers. I'm back from the wilds of Oregon, and ready once again to try to make you laugh.However, I'm a bit worn out at the moment, as a result of Sunday's interesting experiment with mead and tequila coupled with Monday's drive from Oregon back to God's country.So I'm cheating.Here is a reprint of my article in Back Home Magazine for July of last year. It actually is pretty current to today.Promise I'll have a new and original piece in the works for Wed.Glad to be home.Road WarriorsWe live about a mile off the main road from Boondoggle to Fewmit here in Northern Idaho. Whenever we want to go into town, we travel that mile on a dirt road. Actually there is very little dirt involved. The road was originally constructed across a sheet lava flow by a logging company that shortly thereafter went out of business. I believe their failure was due to excessive tire damage and axle replacement costs. Fortunately, over the years enough top soil has been blown in to softe ...

The Lying Game
2008-03-28 08:16:40
Hilary Clinton, recently "under fire" for falsely stating that she was attacked during a visit to Bosnia 12 years ago, has released new photos and documents to bolster her claims to military experience.In an earlier speech this month, Mrs. Senator Clinton had said "I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."To hell with collateral damage!It's just the press! Fire!However, real, normal people present at the event disputed her description of the incident.One political analyst, who spoke on condition of anonymity said, "Sure, it's all the buzz! I mean, from claiming to be named after Sir Edmund Hillary to being completely unaware of her husband's infidelity, it's pretty much arguable that Senator Clinton has never uttered a true word in her life.""So the new campaign strategy is to play to her strengths. It's not what she says, its d ...

Damn You Al Gore!
2008-03-27 16:57:10
Just what is it with politicians? Al Gore, the World expert on Global Warming has been promising me warmer weather for years now. And just like every other politician he once again fails to deliver on his promises."It's Coming Don! Don't be sassin' me!"You'd expect more from a guy with the Nobel Prize."Coldest winter in China in 100 years" and "Coldest Summer in Southern Hemisphere in 60 years" blah, blah.I'm real sorry for everyone facing the "promised" extreme warming around the globe, and I'm sure that the resultant misery will be terrible:But I just got a new canoe! And the Lake here is freezing up again!And I have to leave tomorrow for a meeting in Oregon for the Renaissance Faire I run there, and now I have new snow drifts in the driveway.I also have a garden to get it. And the ground is still frozen. And I can't feel my toes."Global warming is a state of mind Don.Think hot!"Damn you Al Gore.They're killing and eating timber wolves over at humor-blogs.com ...

The Call
2008-03-25 14:23:18
A very special tip of the hat to BrentD over at The Ominous Comma, where I am now doing my first-ever guest blog. Sweet.At first, I was confused about why such a big-time humor blogger like BrentD would ask me, the new kid on the block, to guest blog on his award-winning site.I thought to myself, "Maybe he's just a genuinely nice guy. Maybe he really does like my writing." But then I said, "Whoa Don. Let's not get too Art Bell here! You put those kind of 'flying saucers ate my lunch' ideas out there and people are going to think you're nuts! Always go for a simple and logical explanation."I'm obviously being tested by a secret society of international humor bloggers bent on World Domination.THE IRON FISTAND THE RUBBER CHICKENInitially, they were probably just planning to kill me. A simple potato-microwave explosion; maybe an "accident" involving a rogue moose and a barb-wire fence. The kind of common ordinary incidents you hear about all the time in Idaho. Something easily explained a ...

Things Are Looking UP!
2008-03-24 16:43:51
Happy Monday after Easter from sunny Idaho! (Mind you, it's still below freezing.)This kilt moment is dedicated to Anok (Who seems to have a thing for men in skirts.)Off to work now everyone! See you tomorrow!Don't forget about humor-blogs.com Lots of funny stuff over there ...

The Newest QOHA Winner: Sure to Offend Someone
2008-03-22 08:00:04
The faint scent of jasmine filled the air - wafted into the room by the faint sea breeze that seeped through the French doors opening onto the veranda from the master suite. I lay motionless in the large canopy bed, held suspended between wakefulness and sleep... and I waited.Then SHE appeared. Like a specter of desire, she entered the room."You're late" I said as she paused at the foot of the bed."I..I couldn't get away", she stammered softly, her eyes on mine. "This is wrong Don. So wrong."Even as she made her denial, she slowly opened her camo-patterned penoir, and dropped it to the floor. I could see it all.And it was lovely."Ye Gads!" I thought to myself, "A matched pair of Glocks! Nice holsters too!.""What do you want?" I croaked, my voice hoarse with desire. I'd sure like to test fire those babies. "You know." She replied, suddenly shy in the face of her own dark emotions. "Don't make me say it.""Say it!" I demanded. "Tell me... Or go!"Nearly weeping with repressed desire, she s ...

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