Never a Dull Moment A mom of 10 adopted children with special needs tells it all with gutlevel honesty

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Wow, He did it again
2008-01-25 20:22:02
Before even knowing that I had blogged about his wonderfulhood (wonderfulness, wonderfulishness?) Bart brought me lunch at my desk too.Amazing. I'm getting a lot done! ...
Wow 

Breakfast at Desk
2008-01-25 13:43:29
I'm starting to try to eat healthier .... again. For some reason, the whole thing makes me crabby. I don't really care about food as much as one might think... until I am trying to eat right. There are days when I eat very little, when I'm not "dieting" but as soon as I start trying to eat right, I start to feel hungry all the time, my stomach growls, and ... yes ... I get CRABBY. This morning Bart offered to make oatmeal (he's helping me decide what to eat). I agreed that I would like some and hopped in the shower. Sat down to read blogs and fit a few minutes in on a work project and waited for me to call him upstairs. All the sudden, appearing at my desk, is Bart with oatmeal, toast and a banana. I've never enjoyed attempting to eat breakfast in my bed. But you gotta a love a man who'll bring you breakfast at desk. ...
Breakfast 

Saw This Several Years Ago ... Very Powerful
2008-01-24 20:28:53
Cindy linked to it. Apparently now it's on UTube. I saw this a long time ago and it had a major impact on me. ...

If you have a child with FASD
2008-01-24 20:17:51
and you do not read Kari's blog regularly, you need to check out her post today. Lots of good stuff there, as always. ...
Child 

Everyone's Business is His Business
2008-01-24 17:27:48
Tony is amazingly intense and incredibly disorganized. At both school and home he can never find anything, can't remember what to do, where to be, how to do anything that has anything to do with him.But he knows what EVERYONE else is supposed to be doing. He literally walks around the house telling everyone else what they are supposed to be doing, what they should have done, where they need to be. Drives everyone completely crazy. Everyone lives on the edge of pounding on him all the time.He is also the most oppositional child I have ever met, and considering he has 4 older brothers diagnosed with either Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Disorder, that is saying somehting. He opposes just to oppose and can even switch sides.BUT he has this sensitive side too. So, when he finally pushes someone to yell at him, or smack him, or leave the room, he cries inconsolably and can't get over the fact that nobody likes him.As I have said many times. As hard as it is to parent him, it must ...
Business 

OK, Not Quite Done Being Mad
2008-01-24 00:27:13
I had to relive today everything from yesterday. Well, except the "Yes, I'm very fat but it isn't my fault my kids fat" thing. I kinda let go of that.Frustration with the "child protection system" has not subsided. If I could, and had time to I would describe in detail the numerous ways in which players in the system have annoyed me in regards to various cases in the past 24 hours. It would take pages of the blog and would probably leave me either punching a wall or in tears, neither of which I have time for.i have attempted to keep myself grounded and sane though, and this little guy, who decided to go on a treasure hunt under my desk today, is helping a lot.... He has a bad head cold, but he's still just precious... ...

Done Being Mad -- Well, Kinda
2008-01-23 14:20:39
The intense emotion of frustration has subsided and faded, and it all gets thrown into the big vile of latent simmering frustration about all of it. I think as adoptive parents or professionals, we all have a similar collection of past frustrations. I got an email yesterday from a fellow adoptive parent who I am sure wants to remain anonymous that saidway too often I want to just scream and scream about how child welfare is not about the welfare of children. The sad thing is that no one would even listen! That is so true. I have to deal with some of yesterdays work situation today and I would rather just go back to bed, or hide somewhere. It's such an upward climb and it seems everywhere I turn I see such incredible roadblocks to successful living placed in front of children and teens by a system that is muddled by a climate of self-preservation, self-protection and territorialism. Making a difference is so difficult personally as a parent with your own children is difficult when ...
Kinda 

I'm Mad
2008-01-22 23:43:43
Today I am attempting not to be, but I am finding myself mad. Just downright mad. Mad to the point of being almost unable to function. And maybe mad isn't the exact phrase I should use, but I am frustrated and upset about several things.Let me articulate them for you, since I'm sure you're intrigued.1) I'm frustrated at the whole cycle of medications and their management. Dominyk looked like he was starving because he was so skinny for the first 10 and a half years of his life. He was always in the lowest percentage of height and weight. Then he started taking Abilify and started gaining weight like crazy. We've tried to control it, but he went from not caring at all about food to being obsessed with it. We tried other medications because the weight gain was averaging 8-10 pounds a month, but then his behavior was horrible. So we went back to this medication and watched the weight continue to increase. However, the last three months it has only been an increase of 5 pounds in ...

Tried Something New -- I Statements
2008-01-22 14:02:04
Yesterday I tried something new with Teenage Daughter #1. I used I statements. Something that i learned years ago when I was getting my Master's in Counseling.yes, I have a Master's in Counseling. Isn't that hilarious? I am one of the worst listeners ever and certainly am not a person who can sit around and wait for other people to come up with their own conclusions. I want to tell people what to do, and that is NOT therapy. But I digress.Anyway, i learned to make I statements. Instead of "you made me so mad when you ...." I said, "I felt so hurt and angry when I found out that....". At first it didn't go well. I was accused of trying to make her feel bad, of never recognizing it when she did well, of not doing a good job of showing my pride in her good choices, yada yada. I kept coming back to "I'm only letting you know how I feel. I haven't decided if I'm even going to consequence you, but I needed to tell you how I felt."She left the office in tears and in a huff, which i ...

I Knew It a Long Time Ago
2008-01-21 19:13:22
When we started adopting back in the day -- you know -- 11 years ago -- I made a statement that I really didn't think I could do a good job parenting teenage girls. I was right. I think that is all I have to say about that right now. ...
Time 

Emotion Management
2008-01-21 16:16:30
As I lie in bed this morning, thinking about yet another situation I don't have energy to blog that was making me upset, I realized that 80% of what I do as a parent is manage my own emotions. I'm sure that families with "typical" kids have some emotional management that is required, but parenting lots of kids with issues requires it all the time.Here is an example. Yesterday I timed Dominyk's meltdown. He has an obsession with pop that is uncontrollable for him. No matter how we try to manage it, it never seems to work. When we say no, you can't have another pop, he has a meltdown. They last a long time. If I can control myself, then eventually he quits. But sometimes I just can't take it any more and I have to remove him or myself from the situation, and that never goes well. It goes the same way almost every time. He comes in and asks for a pop or money to buy a pop. I say no. He asks why. I explain it. Then he starts to sob and asks again. And again. And again. And ...
Management 

I'm Tired and I Wanna Go to Bed
2008-01-21 04:56:34
Show me the way to go home....Remember that song?Well, Salinda showed up with a couple friends at 9 -- and I misunderstood and thought they were staying only a few minutes. O compromised -- they are leaving in 20. But the fact is that nobody is going to sleep tonight anyway. They all think that because there's no school tomorrow, that bedtime is an option.but I want to go to bed.Sigh. ...

Sometimes You Get Reminded
2008-01-20 15:26:56
Last night I had a conversation with my husband. I won't go into detail, but during the conversation all of the elements came into play that I love most about him. His sense of humor, his ability to ask the right questions, his concern for me, his commitment to me, his love for me, his trust in me, his willingness to allow me to be my own person, the way he thinks deeply and yet can break up an intense moment with a silly comment. When we finished the conversation and Bart drifted off to sleep, I lay in bed for several minutes in a state of unbelief at how fortunate I am to have been able to marry this man. We have been through SO much in just eleven and a half years of marriage. So many ups and downs and HARD things. And yet I trust him completely and love him more than ever.Raising tough kids can either drive people apart or bring them close together. I am so grateful that Bart and I have managed to grow closer together.I'm sure he will be embarrassed at all this sap, but I lov ...

Out of Jail
2008-01-19 16:43:09
Well, according to the website, Mike is no longer in our county jail. We are assuming that by now he has been served the papers with the harassment restraining order on them. We do not know if he is back to couch surfing or if he has been transferred to another facility.I never dreamed that I would be grateful on the days that my child was in jail -- but at least when someone is there you know they are safe, they are fed, they are warm enough, and they aren't breaking more laws. But as I have stated over and over again, we really need a better plan for adults with FASD than to spend their lives behind bars. ...
Jail 

A Gift
2008-01-19 16:39:29
Yesterday I gave my daughter a gift and she seemed to really appreciate my effort. We drove the 75 miles, I dropped her off at her friends, and then i went clearance shopping. I then spent 3 hours in a very cold coffee shop, drinking tea and eating a cookie... and spending time on line, getting a little work done, but mostly just giving myself a break. I then saw the "Bucket List" which made me and everyone in the theatre, including most of the men, sob a little.As would be expected, watching a movie about facing death made me re-evaluate some of the things I've been doing and the way I'm living my life. Maybe in a while, I can actually make some changes, instead of just thinking about making them.how is that for VAGUE? ...
Gift 

Humorous and Motivational
2008-01-18 19:49:20
I just got asked to speak at a conference and was told that they want me to be humorous and motivational. Good thing it's a couple months away because I'm not feeling either way right now.When my family's life is not driving me nuts, my job and it's stresses are. Sometimes I just can't fix things. And I'm a fixer.I think I'll leave it at that. Being a fixer who can't fix things is sometimes not fun. ...

A different kind of day
2008-01-18 13:58:06
Most of my days are pretty routine. I get up, I shower, I blog or check email, I wake up the kids, I take them to school, I come home and from 8-3 I work at my desk or go to meetings. Sometimes I have lunch out. They come home, I greet them, help them with homework, make sure chores are done. Bart makes dinner. We eat it. I work a while longer while Bart has meetings. I visit with the kids and Bart a little. I put them to bed (the kids) and then Bart and I talk. We have meaningful conversations such as last night when he remarked that my arms looked like pizza dough. I suggested he was not romantic. He responded, "Why not? I LIKE pizza dough." And we talk about our days and the kids and all that and then we go to bed again, only to get up and repeat.But today will be a bit different. Salinda has been extremely well behaved for the past month since she returned home. There have only been 3 or 4 occasions since she came home on December 19th where she has been less than per ...

Uh Oh
2008-01-18 02:03:41
I forgot to blog this morning. i was going to and then stuff happened. I found out I have a major work project due on February 4th so I started working on that and forgot to blog.All things are good here. Bart is back and things are calm. I got this far and never did finish. Dang.Everything is fine. I sat for 2 hours in order to watch wrestling for a total of three minutes this afternoon.I now am back at the desk to see if I can get some more of that project done. It's grating on me.Sorry for being a pathetic blogger today. I'll try to do better tmorow. ...

Sleeping Single in a Double Bed --- well almost
2008-01-16 13:39:59
Does sleeping with an 11 year old in a Queen Size Bed count? Even though the kids are getting older, whenever Bart leaves town the younger kids argue about who gets to sleep in my room. Last night Wilson got the recliner and Dominyk shared my bed. Wow, is he a restless sleeper. He woke up several times talking about loud, asking me questions (do we have to go to both services today? No, Dominyk, it's not Sunday, it's Wednesday). He stood up on the bed at one point in time saying some really odd things that I can't publish here because this blog is PG, and only occasionally PG-13.I had a very troubling dream that lasted over an hour and so I finally got up and called it a night. I never sleep well when Bart is not here. The conversations we have before we go to bed and just the fact that he is there are calming to me.So I'm up early, getting ready to get things going for today in a few minutes. Salinda has therapy today and that's my only out of the house appointment. I'm alr ...
Single 

Taking care of Business
2008-01-15 14:26:45
Salinda's work crew experience got me all riled up and I made some phone calls yesterday. By the end of the day I had several apologies and explanations. Apparently this was an unusual situation that had to do with a deadline and the work crew supervisor apologized profusely and assured me that he would make sure that she didn't feel uncomfortable again. The Probation Officer, who obviously orchestrated the work crew apology, has left me a couple messages. I'll get back to him this morning.In this situation I expressed my concern for two reasons. First of all, because it was MY DAUGHTER who was getting oggled by adult male law offenders of who knows what kind. That troubles me on a personal level. But I also expressed my concern because it is a BAD plan for ANYONE'S daughter. And I do not believe that it happened just this one time to my child. If it has happened once, it will happen again.I was 32 years old before I got married and not once did I ever have to get involved in ...
Business 

A couple days late but another happening
2008-01-14 16:33:00
Thursday night was parents' night for wrestling. As always, we were a bit confused. Our kids don't bring notes home and if they do, I lose them. I used to be better at coordinating all this stuff, but lately I've been very disjointed and unorganized.We needed cash to get in, so Bart went to do that while I went to figure out what was going on. When I got there it seemed fairly confusing, but we finally figured out that we were supposed to walk into the gym with Ricardo. But Bart wasn't there yet and so I was glad they were starting with the seniors.But then they kept getting lower and lower and lower until finally there were only 3 people in line and Bart still wasn't there.When I could see the whites of Ricardo's worried eyes, Bart walked in the school door and I motioned for him to hurry. He literally did not have one second to spare and walked straight into the gym to be escorted by Ricardo.Ricardo didn't want this varsity match -- but good grief -- he's only been a 7th grade ...
Couple 

Contrasts -- you Gotta Love Em
2008-01-14 16:12:13
Last Sunday was one of the most horrific days we've had here in a long time. It was so bad that I had been too stressed to eat after lunch. Got up the next morning and realized that and knew it was bad. I never am too stressed to eat.Yesterday the players in the game were all the same. John went to church and came to lunch with us and spent the day here. Everyone else was home. But it was completely peaceful all day long.It looks as though this morning is going pretty well as well.And, there is no reason for me to try and write a wonderful blog post when Kari's entry about Gourmet Rats is so great. .She sums it all up for me today in looking at the contrast between last week and this.I have come to believe that those who KNOW that they are the recipients of incredible grace and feel called to this life will be challenged beyond what they can possibly know...but also blessed in great measure...pressed down, and shaken together, and running over! These blessings may not be package ...
Love 

Sunday morning
2008-01-13 16:00:07
Blogging sure makes it apparent that time passes by quickly. Each Sunday morning before I wake up the kids I seem to sit here blogging basically nothing because there is nothing yet to blog. But the weeks go by quickly.I've not a head cold today. I think i'm the 7th person in the family to have it, so I held out a while. Sure makes me feel like spending the day in bed.Yesterday they combined the juvenile and adult work crews and several of the men were hoping Salinda was at least 17. She just turned 15 and you better believe I'm going to call and find out what that is all about. I was frustrated enough when she was grouped with the juveniles who would see her as hot, but adult men? Salinda, one other girl, and a whole bunch of adult males who have broken the law? There's something wrong with this picture. ...
Sunday Morning 

Only at Our House
2008-01-12 18:40:23
Last night we had our friends Tim, Sue and Sarah over for beans and rice, the only meal I cook, as Bart was out of town. It had been too long since we had had them here and we had fun eating and playing cards. The evening was even fairly mellow.While we were playing cards, we noticed this light that we bought last Christmas. We hung it there last year realizing it needed an extension cord. I don't think we ever found it. But the chili peppers are still there, a year later.Only at our house. ...
House 

Only Five Kids Home
2008-01-12 16:27:01
Home alone today with only five kids for 8 hours. Salinda has work crew again and Ricardo, Tony and Leon are all at an away wrestling match. They are all still either asleep or being very quiet and it is nice. Bart is gone all day and we are going to clean and do laundry and I will get to get caught up on some stuff.Who would have thought 10 years ago that I'd feel like I had a day off because only five kids were home? ...
Kids 

Wow, I'm Impressed
2008-01-11 15:13:01
Sheri guessed it right. If you haven't ever seen her blog, you ought to head over there and give her some visits -- cuz I don't have a prize for her. I enjoy reading her blog because it offers a lot of different things. She has a great sense of humor, and in addition to adoption, she talks about all kinds of interesting stuff.Back to the song. Larry Norman was the artist -- the father of Christian Rock and Roll. And I bought every album he had as a teenager. The angst of the 60s and 70s is all over his writing and one of my brothers memorized lyrics to many of his songs (you can find them all here). But I especially like this song because it asks the kinds of unanswerable questions that I always find myself asking:Here are the lyrics from the Song I quoted called, "The Great American Novel".i was born and raised an orphanin a land that once was freein a land that poured its love out on the moonand i grew up in the shadowsof your silos filled with grainbut you never helped to ...
Wow 

Cognitive Dissonance or Things Are Not Always What They Seem
2008-01-11 14:27:46
My commenter yesterday pointed out something very true in regards to appearances. Usually I am more gracious than that and don't judge people by their appearances but I was just appalled at the group of new peers my daughter was making and they didn't "look" like good kids. I guess they could have all just been first offenders like Salinda, but it was shocking to see how much she didn't fit in with this group of kids in regards to appearance. But speaking of appearance, there is no too people more different in our family in regards to caring about the way they look than Rand and Salinda. Rand has to be closely supervised in regards to every kind of hygiene. He hates to shave, I have to make him wear clean clothes. He doesn't care if his clothes fit and he wears a 4X. He wears very old stuff and would wear the same thing every day for months and not care if I didn't stop him. And developmentally he is often more like a grade school kid than an adult.Salinda on the other hand we ...

Sometimes I Think Our Culture is Wacked
2008-01-11 01:33:40
Salinda had work crew today for the first time. When I dropped her off i had to ask myself, "What are we DOING as a society?" She had to spend several hours with a rough group of kids who obviously, based on their appearance, were in much deeper trouble legally than I hope she ever will be. How does it make sense to put all of the "juvenile delinquents" together and introduce them? How does it make sense to have them spend 30 hours together? Don't ask me for the answers, I've only got one.That a man leaves his darkness when he follows the Son.OK -- here is a challenge.If anyone can tell me either the name of the song or the artist who sang it WITHOUT googling it or anything, I will at least give you special recognition, if not a prize. But no cheating - no looking it up on the internet. ...
Culture 

And We Begin Again
2008-01-10 13:56:07
Another day is starting in our home. Bart is already out the door and left for church. The girls are up .... because it does, after all, take hours to get dressed, straighten hair, and put on all that makeup. I have showered and am reading blogs. In 8 minutes I will begin the morning routine.My list of things I need to do is long. I have a day here in my office and I'm hoping that I can remain motivated because sometimes my surroundings keep me from doing so.We do not know what today will hold....but just as every day in the past, we know that God will walk with us, that we have families and friends that will support us, and that Tomorrow we will get up and do it again. ...

A Long, Good Talk
2008-01-10 03:05:03
Salinda and I had a long good talk. I pointed out to her that there were only two people in this world who truly loved her AND could help her get out of the mess she was in and that it was Bart and I. And that if she wanted to start having things move in that direction, she needed to be on our side instead of against us.There were tears shed. She is angry and frustrated. And I get that. But I think she is realizing that maybe she is going to have to cooperate.One of the things that helped wake her up a little is that John is having a couple challenges. He has been signed up for an early release to work program by his social worker, but he doesn't have a job. So, his ride home from school isn't until three but he gets done with school at 12:00. I have a call into the social worker to figure out why this is happening but yesterday he told me that he had spent the 3 hours trying to walk back to his foster home and got lost. Today he called me to ask me to give him a ride home. I ...