Spit-Up On My Shoulder News, information, and rants for the new mom

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I Am Rich
2007-08-08 22:08:26
Becoming a parent can really stretch your finances. Do you have money anxiety? Do you worry that you won’t have enough to cover what your family needs? I am a big worrier about money - ask anyone who knows me! An unusually high water bill, a sick cat, the car breaking down - [...] ...

So? - One of My New Favorite Expressions
2007-08-06 21:35:12
Do you sometimes feel self-conscious about parenting or your role as a new mom? Martha Beck, one of my favorite writers, wrote in the July issue of O, The Oprah Magazine about tackling those low-confidence moments. She encourages us to say So? when we’re worried about how we’ll look. Afraid to share [...] ...
Expressions 

World Breastfeeding Week
2007-08-03 22:26:47
Did you know we’re in the middle of World Breastfeeding Week? It goes from August 1 - 7. In my area there is going to be a Breastfeeding Awareness Walk on the 7th. Maybe there is something going on where you live. If you’d like it posted here at the blog, [...] ...

This shocked me
2007-08-02 01:00:49
In a recent poll on Fitness Magazine’s website, 65% of respondents answered that they would rather be 5 pounds lighter than 5 years younger. I cannot wrap my brain around this one. 5 pounds compared to 5 years of life? What? As I’ve said before, this country really needs to get [...] ...
Shocked 

Diaper Disposal Bags
2007-07-30 20:29:32
I love this idea from the July 18th edition of Dollar Stretcher for Parents, a free weekly e-newsletter. Rather than buying the special scented diaper disposal bags to put smelly diapers in (the kind you keep in your diaper bag for when you’re out), just reuse the plastic bags that newspapers come in. If you want to make them [...] ...

Book Recommendations
2007-07-27 21:22:03
I’ve added a new category under Pages in the left-hand column called Books I Recommend. I hope you find the list helpful. The books are organized by category (Breastfeeding, Life Balance, etc..) and I give them all high marks. Have you found a book that’s been especially useful to you since becoming [...] ...
Book 

Two minutes in the shower
2007-07-25 19:43:38
Did you know that every two minutes you spend in the shower uses as much water as someone in Africa uses in a whole day? This statistic really made me think about imbalances in the world and also about how wasteful I’ve been with water. I hope you will join me in cutting [...] ...
Shower 

Rant - New Mom Judgment
2007-07-23 23:50:55
Is there anywhere safe? I love sports and read the Sports section of my paper every day. I was angry yesterday to find that even the Sports section isn’t immune to new mom judgment. Lindsay Davenport, a professional tennis player, played doubles in a match this last weekend with her doctor’s approval. Six weeks ago Lindsay delivered her first baby by Caesarean section. Her husband and newborn son were with her at the match. Here are some of Lindsay’s quotes from Paul Bauman’s article. My comments are in parentheses: “It’s turned into a bigger story than I’m comfortable with (playing at six weeks postpartum) … On one hand, it’s great because I think that being pregnant and being a mom you can still be active. On the other hand, some people can’t do stuff in six weeks, or four weeks. I’m not telling anyone what they should do. (I like that. No judgment of other moms and a compassionate view of how it’s diffe ...

Natural Pain Killers
2007-07-20 22:39:20
If you’re pregnant or considering conceiving soon, are you worried about handling the pain of labor? I know I was, but I think my fear made me experience the pain at a higher level than I had to. I recently read some new information that neuroscientists have found about the way your brain can help you outwit pain. I know these techniques would have helped me during labor. The information was in a July 2007 article in Prevention magazine titled Natural Born Pain Killers. Do you have any of the following mental pain magnifiers?: You dread what’s coming; You dwell on your pain; You catastrophize your pain (jump to the worst conclusions, like “This pain will never get better); or You are stressed? If so, researchers have found ways you can decrease your pain by using your thoughts. Some of the pain management ideas in the article are: • Understanding the biomechanics of pain which helps lessen its power • Playing video games • Using your imagination to watch ...
Natural  Pain 

Affimations for New Moms
2007-07-13 20:04:29
Thank you to Julia Fessler, Labor and Birth Doula (and my buddy), for sharing the following affirmations for new moms. They are excerpted from Julia’s upcoming book, Birth Wisdom and Everyday Mothering. Print up some copies and post them around your house for whenever you need some inspiration. You can modify the affirmations and replace your and your baby’s names where appropriate. I used “her”, but, of course, the affirmations are for moms of boys too. NEW MOM AFFIRMATIONS I am doing my best in this moment and my best for today is instinctively what my baby needs. Being home with my baby, breastfeeding (or bottlefeeding) her and committing my time to be with her is a sacred gift I give to her. I let go of my past or future expectations for motherhood and I sit in this moment. This moment is where I find my power. I give thanks to motherspirit for giving me my power and the wisdom to let go of expectations and just be. I thank motherspirit for the streng ...

Date Night
2007-07-11 20:23:53
It’s my birthday, so hubby and I are going on a date tonight. Yea! Date nights are so important to a relationship, but I sure remember how hard it was to fit them in when we had a baby in the house. Here is some information about a recent survey on new moms and date nights, along with tips for staying connected from parenting guru, Stacey DeBroff. Follow her tips and get out there! A nationwide survey of 1,000 moms of children 24 months and under, conducted by CVS/pharmacy for its new Playskool Baby Care line, revealed that 83% of new moms spend less time going out with their husband/partner now than before having a child. It’s also the pastime they miss the most. Stacy DeBroff, founder of MomCentral.com, offers moms these helpful ideas on spending more time with their spouses: • Write “date night” in pen on the calendar, and treat it almost like a doctor’s appointment, that is, something that is not changeable. • When you do go out, don’t go to a movie or some ...
Date 

More on Loving Ourselves
2007-07-09 19:21:50
It can be hard to accept the cosmetic changes in our bodies after delivering a baby. Stretch marks, c-section scars, poochy tummies, and droopy breasts happen. I’ve never had a c-section, but I definitely have the other three! Previously I’ve written posts on how we can learn to love our unique, imperfect bodies. When I’m feeling critical of my body or my mothering, I like to read the following quotes: “I recommend you take pride in your scars. Scars tells you where you’ve been; they display your strength, what you have endured. They are like a treasure map to the deep self.” - Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes “Do not think of today’s failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles.” - Helen Keller “Promise yourself; no self-criticism today. If a negative thought crops up, tell your inner nag, “No ...
Ourselves 

DVD Release: All My Babies: A Midwife’s Own Story
2007-07-06 20:57:42
What sounds like a fascinating documentary was released in DVD form for the first time on July 3rd. Mary Coley, an African American midwife who delivered almost 4,000 babies in Georgia from the 1930s through the 1960s, is the subject of the 1952 movie All My Babies. Here is an abridged description from Amazon: This beautiful film is the story of “Miss Mary” Coley, an African-American midwife more than half a century ago in rural Georgia. Conceived as a demonstration film for illiterate “granny” midwives, All My Babies quickly transcended its initial purpose. The film was written, produced, and directed by George C. Stoney in close collaboration with Mrs. Coley and local public health doctors and nurses. It shows the preparation for and home delivery of healthy babies in both relatively good and bad rural conditions among black families at that time. The film is in addition both a deeply respectful portrait of “Miss Mary,” who is revealed as an ins ...
Babies  Dvd  Story 

Freedom to parent
2007-07-05 00:18:34
It’s Independence Day, but do you feel free to be the parent you dreamed of? There is so much judgment of parents in this country (particularly brand new ones.) Why is that? I remember being shocked after Danielle was born about how quickly people were ready to criticize or question what I was doing with my baby (including people who weren’t even parents!) Since it was one of the most vulnerable times of my life, it was hard to understand why others didn’t recognize that they should be sensitive and encouraging of my mothering, not critical. Was I doing anything that put my baby in danger or threatened her health? Not at all. I eventually realized that doing things differently than someone else would was seen as a threat. We’d all like to think that we make the right decisions about our children 100% of the time - but that’s not possible. Everyone makes mistakes (I’ve made too many to count!) and every parent will also have times when they ...
Freedom 

Happy and Not-So-Happy Spitters
2007-07-02 19:58:11
I’m back from vacation and feeling great. The weather was beautiful and it was so wonderful to have some downtime. I don’t know about you, but it takes me at least a day to decompress. Luckily I had 3 nights away, which felt perfect. Of course, even more wouldn’t have hurt! Does your baby spit up? Over half of all babies under three months do. Most outgrow it by a year or so. My oldest, Danielle, was a huge spitter. When she spit up, it would hit the floor after leaving a lovely mess on whatever clothes we were wearing along the way. We did so much laundry during the first months of her life that it was ridiculous. Funny thing - Danielle ended up not being a big barfer as a kid. You would think she would be considering the way she started out, but her sister was much more prone to barfing. I sure hope nobody is eating while they read this post! All of Danielle’s spitting scared me that there was something seriously wrong, but she was fine. Our ...

Honest Mother - Debra Messing
2007-06-22 23:37:16
Hello dear blog readers, I’m beyond happy today. Here’s why: 1) Although we applied in March, we finally received both of my daughters’ passports today for a trip they are leaving on in only 4 days with my mother-in-law. Getting the passports in time involved countless hours of phone calls and stress. If you need a passport anytime soon, apply now! The backlog is HUGE. Also, contact me if you’d like to know what I learned about moving the process along. 2) My husband last week received a research fellowship that will allow us to continue living here for at least 2 1/2 more years (yea! we don’t have to move soon.) 3) I also found out today that I sold more books last February than I ever have before (there is a 4 month delay before authors know about the number of books sold through certain distributors.) Thank you to everyone who is buying Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me? and also to all of you who are telling others about the book. Also, thank yo ...
Honest  Messing 

Pregnant Women in Public
2007-06-21 00:45:25
Just got back from Target and a marathon shopping spree with my daughters to get ready for an upcoming vacation. There was a pregnant mom there and I’m pretty sure that she was a first-time mom because 1: she didn’t have older kids with her, and 2: I just have an instinct about this from working with moms so much. Whenever I see an expectant new mom in public, I have to hold myself back from telling them about doulas, or my book, or my blog, or showing them things that would have helped me incredibly like Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s Method for calming babies. Am I the only mom who feels this way, or is it because I work with new mothers? I might startle them if I say something, but I wish someone had clued me in. When I was pregnant with Danielle, I remember how unworried I was about handling life after her birth. I thought “if I can just get through labor, I’ll be fine.” What a joke! Once Danielle arrived, oh how I wished I had done so much mo ...
Pregnant  Women 

Sites for Expectant and New Dads
2007-06-19 00:12:17
In continuing the Father’s Day Theme, here are some websites for expectant and new dads: Great Dad - Helpful information to answer dad’s questions on numerous topics including Sleep, Sex, and Baby Massage, among many. Funky Stork: A website for modern expectant fathers and hip new dads. Good info on keeping balance as you become a father. DadLabs: These guys are a hoot. Check out Bath Time 101: Poop in the Tub under Most Popular videos. I had some trouble with the sound, but the text of the video is below and just reading it cracked me up. ...

Transitions
2007-06-15 19:39:56
This week both of my daughters graduated from their respective schools. One from elementary school (Linda) and one from junior high (Danielle). In so many ways these changes feel like experiencing birth again. They are more steps in the process of letting go that begins at childbirth - no wonder the intense part of labor is called “transition.” When Danielle was born, I remember thinking, “I can’t believe I’m a mother.” This week I’m thinking, “I can’t believe I’m now the mother of a junior high schooler AND a high schooler.” Linda went to her first dance this week and had a blast. On the last day of school, Danielle asked a boy if he’d like to “go out” with her (meaning on a date). He said “Yes” and she’s on cloud 9, but she still doesn’t know where they will go. I’m amazed that at almost 15 she had the courage to do this. I would never have been brave enough ...

She loves her postpartum body
2007-06-13 19:53:50
Thank you to Melissa Patrice Anderson for allowing me to post her beautiful essay of self-love. It originally appeared on Mother’s Day in the Sacramento Bee. SHE LOVES HER POSTPARTUM BODY by Melissa Patrice Anderson The story of Anya’s pregnancy is written here. My belly button, new and different, remembers her relentless growth. The flesh apron at my waist traces the sanctuary my body created for her. My hips, widened by the months of pregnancy and the force of childbirth, reflect her passage into our lives. Anya marked my body. She left her shape inside me. My pregnancy has ended, but the story of this pregnancy is written here, an indelible mark, a tribute to the time we shared in this body. I love my postpartum body. You may email Melissa at: melissapatrice@yahoo.com ...
Body  Postpartum 

Instant Baby Wipes
2007-06-11 20:54:27
Here’s a great idea for saving money on baby wipes that I found in the 5/16/07 issue of the Dollar Stretcher newsletter: Instant Baby Wipes I raised four kids and didn’t buy baby wipes for home or travel. A roll of toilet paper or box of generic facial tissue and a bottle of dollar store baby oil is grand! All you do is take a few squares of toilet paper or a couple tissues and put a squirt of baby oil on them and wipe. This is warmer than sometimes chilly baby wipes and I believe does a much better job of cleaning the little ones tender tushies. A pediatrician who grew up in a poor area of New York City actually gave me this tip many years ago. Kay T. in Wyandotte, Michigan ...
Baby 

Looking for Ten Zen Seconds stories
2007-06-07 19:22:56
Dear Readers, I hope you found my recent interview with the author of Ten Zen Seconds helpful and that you’ve had time to try out some of the techniques. I’m currently writing an article proposal about Ten Zen Seconds (TZS) for the website Jugglezine. I’ve published six articles at Jugglezine before. The article will show how TZS helps lower stress and increase productivity. Your story may end up in the final article also. If TZS has helped you with either of the above areas, or you know someone who has a TZS story to share, please email me by clicking on Contact Melanie under my picture at the left. I will then send you a few questions about your TZS experience. It’s up to you whether I use your real name or not in the article proposal. Thank you so much for your help with this project! Please respond ASAP. I’m sending the proposal in early next week. ...
Stories 

Postpartum risk for service wives
2007-06-06 21:43:21
On May 26th, the Los Angeles Times ran an article about the increased risk of postpartum depression (PPD) for military wives. Their risk is almost three times that of other women. There was one mistake that I noted in the article. You can find it below in an abridged version of the piece: Women with spouses on military deployment during their pregnancies face a nearly threefold higher risk for postpartum depression in initial screening tests, researchers reported. The findings mean that military wives should be informed of the risk and aggressively screened for depression during their postpartum medical exams, said lead author Dr. Jeffrey Millegan of the Naval Medical Center in San Diego. Postpartum depression is believed to affect 10% to 15% of new mothers and can occur up to three months (Melanie’s note: Not true! PPD can occur anytime in the first year) after childbirth. Antidepressants or psychotherapy are effective treatments. The study, presented May 21st at an Americ ...
Postpartum  Service  Wives 

5 Hardest/Easiest things about being a Mom
2007-06-04 21:25:30
A few weeks ago I posted about an article in Redbook Magazine on The 5 Hardest Things About Being a Mom. In the post, I asked my blog readers to send in their own Hardest Things list, along with a list of their 5 Easiest Things About Being a Mom. This is from the mom of a one-and-a-half year old: The 5 hardest things about being a mom from my perspective: 1) Always wondering if you are doing the right thing by your little one. 2) Deciding if you should go back to work full time, part time, or not at all & living with whatever decision you make, or maybe it is not a decision and it is a must…basically the guilt. 3) Your whole new perspective on the world and getting so emotional and upset at every injustice (it is as if you can relate to every child. This actually is also a positive because it makes you more aware, it is just hard being so emotional about it all. ). 4) Seeing your child sick. 5) Loss of alone time with your husband & loss of your alone time (even whil ...

Ten Zen Seconds Interview - Part 4
2007-06-01 19:29:17
Today is the final installment of my interview with Eric Maisel, author of Ten Zen Seconds. We’ve been discussing how the TZS techniques can work for new parents. TZS combines a deep, ten second breath with one of twelve useful thoughts (called incantations) to bring you purpose, power, and calm. I’ve been using the TZS methods for the last month and am amazed at how powerful theses techniques are. You can use them anywhere to help lower stress and create a positive attitude. Today we cover Incantations 10, 11, and 12. MB: Incantation 10: I am equal to this challenge: Another great one for new parents. How can this incantation help build confidence in one’s parenting skills? EM: We often find it hard to feel equal to challenges that we haven’t met before. The challenge of a first child is that we haven’t had a first child before, the challenge of a second child is that we haven’t had two children before, with all of those new dynamics, the challenge of a third ...
Interview