It is a special blonde celebration day here at McCafferty's Pub. If you are blonde it is happy hour all day long for you. To honor the blondes and the joy they add to our world here at McCafferty's, the patrons have come up with a few more blonde jokes, stories and videos.
If you are blonde yourself, there is a possibility that you may need someone to explain the jokes to you, so make sure that
Happy Valentines day!!!!! Maligayang Araw ng mga Puso!!!! from Pinoy Jokes---------------------Exercise daily keep your body healthy like my lola She was 35 when she started walking 5kms a day Now she's 98 and until now... hindi pa umuuwi.. wala ba dyan??
Hehe, my first impression when I saw this guy was that I certainly thought that
I wont like his jokes. After hearing them.. I must say I actually thought they were
funny! Clean funny jokes, can be entertaining sometimes, when you hear a lot of
the opposite kind everyday. This was refreshing ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw6DTOhGgrU
"Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"- Talong"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"- Putok"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"- Lego"Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'y iyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!"- Popcorn"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"- Singit"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"- Utot"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"- Pigsa"Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo.Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!"- Aircon"Pagod na akong humawak ng balls mo! Pagod narin ako sa pagbihis-hubad mo sa akin. Malapit na naman ulit! Ayoko na!!!"- Christmas Tree."I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt, But you know, I didn't ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepenopipo!" Manny Pacquiao."Yo
Sa taon ng daga, sana kagatin ka suwerte, ngatngatin ka ng saya at maging mabilis ang pasok ng pera sa yo!!! ipasa mo agad ito sa iba. kapag bumalik sa yo.. Suwerte yun!!!!-------They say i look goodi say ...i taste even better!!! hehehehe!!!-------if you have sex 365 times last year and kept all condoms and melt them, you can then make a tire and actually call it a GOODYEAR!!!! heheheh-------Kapag iniwan ka ng mahal moHuwag kang lumuhaSa halip magsaya at sabihin...simula ng iniwan mo ako..."my skin is firmer. my pores are smaller and my lines parang nawala" :)--------"laging nasa huli ang pinakamatangkad""kapag may usok... kawawa ang may hika"" when the cat is away.. sabihin mo lang.. wiss, wiss, wiss para lumapit""Kapag may tiyaga... may Goodluck!!!""Aanhin pa ang damo kung garden mo naman ay sementado"---------Wrong send of the day"Pare huwag mong kalimutan dalhin ang condom ha... Love you!!!!"----------Sa Math ClassTeacher: tanong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karnet at hinati ko
The True Rules of Golf Part 2The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just theway you meant to play it. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch90% of the time. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap. Example: backswing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 600 mph. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the topand checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove. Hazards attract. Fairways repel. You can put "draw" on the b
The True Rules of Golf - Part 1The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental. If you want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit onemore club or two more balls.Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shanka lay-up, or you can wai
Blonde jokes can be very funny. Here are a few more:
Elisha, a gorgeous blonde, received a new cell phone from her husband as a birthday gift. She had never owned a cell phone before.
The following day, while she was shopping at Target, her phone rang, and she answered it.
It was her husband, who said, “How do you like the new cell phone?”
Elisha replied, “It’s great, but how did you know I
This edition of PinoyJokes is brought to you by PenoycentradotNEt. Thanks to all who shares their jokes!!! keep them coming!!!! Txt nyo na ang mga Jokes jokes nyo!!!!--------------Ano bang problema mo? Tinatanung lang naman kita, minumura mo pa ako. Hindi naman kita pinipilit sumagot!! kung hindi mo na kaya eh di huwag na!!!!--- TEST PAPER------------Babae: aalis na ako!!! iiwan na kita!!!Lalake: huwag love!!! Kapag umalis ka!!! maglalaslas ako ng pulso...Babae: mukha mo!!! magpatuli nga hindi mo magawa!! maglaslas pa kaya?? Supot!!!-----------May then holiday season bring u Joy, Grace and Love...Si Joy nasa dating club pa din; si Grace kasi may utang ka pa at hinahanap ka ni Love, buntis daw!!!-----------Son: Dad, i had my first sex with my classmate:Dad: Wow!! Ang galing mo anak!! very macho!!! inum tayo.. Let's celebrate your becoming man!!!Son: Bukas na dad!!! Sakit ng Puwet ko eh!!!-----------Nasa bangka with your ever plastic friend and your two timer exng biglang lumulubog ang b
After every stressful working day, you can now relax and have some refresh in Lotsofjokes.com. This is a place where you can find tons of jokes such as funny jokes related to religion, gender, celebrities, and more. Of course, if you feel that some materials are too offensive; you can base on the warning icons to choose your comfort areas. At the same time, Lotsofjokes.com also shares funny pictures, signs, and comics to visitors. This is a website that has been online for many years and has been collecting and posting jokes for many years. Yes, besides reading other contributors’ jokes, you are also welcome to submit your jokes to share them out.Meantime, its sister site 101FunJokes.com is also providing lots of jokes on many common topics. No matter you are at home, at office, or at shopping mall; you should visit them to release your pressure.
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Juan: Buwiset na shampoo ito.. hindi bumubulaPedro: paanong bubula yan hindi naman basa ang buhok mo!!!Juan: Baliw!!! for dry hair nga daw ito eh!!! bobo ka ba??!! Epal!!!------------------------Do you know INNER ROW???What is inner row??Inner Row is that which comes beforePibrerowMarsowAbrilMayow...-----------------------Alcohol Solves no problems. Neither does milk. Pero buti pa ang alak, libre kung minsan.Eh ang Milk?? Meron na bang nag-treat ng milk? at sinabi nya tara dude milk tau??!!!-----------------------Mag syotang nag uusap sa tabing dagatGirl: Hon anong zodiac sign mo??Boy: (nagisip siya dahil bobo hindi nya alam) sayo muna hon.Girl:zodiac sign ko CancerBoy: sa kin Goiter!!!-----------------------as proposed by law sex will now be taxed.1. upon penetration(VAT Vaginal Access Tax)2. more that 10 minutes inside(burial Tax)3. Upon withdrawal(exit tax)4. Those who do not have sex life(idle asset tax)5. those who practice withdrawal method of birth control(withholding tax)6. Ent
Cheap Lacoste Shirts for Christmas!!! order now!!!--------------------kung totoo ang "Darwin's theory of evolution" na ang tao ay namula sa unggoyBakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo???Baka another theory noh???--------------------did you know that-cockroaches have fingers and nails??-rats can cure diabetes??-ballpens in the earlier times are used as needles in making umbrellas??-the saliva of a horse is used in making cheese??galing noh??Lahat yan imbento ko lang... hahahaha--------------------Life depends on the way you think. For example, read this: Mypenisinhermouth.What did u read?? My pen is in her mouth.or did your dirty mind read something else???--------------------Boy: musta???Girl: k lang. kaw?Boy:k lang din. hehehe.Girl:hehehe..sa Globe Unlitxt, walang kuwenta ang usapan. hahahaha--------------------Amo: mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng ingles. ang sinomang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko palalayasin sa pamamahay na ito!!! klaro ba??Inday: ang mga namutawi sa iyong mga
Cheap Lacoste Shirt for Sale------------------Roses for lovers,chocolates for crushesballoons for friendshipsmost of all,for lovelessred...REDHORSE..-----------A man killed a DEER and cooked it but doesnt tell the kids what it ishe gives a clue"ganyan ang tawag ng Mama nyo sa akin"the girl cries out,"wag nyong kainin.. demonyo yan!!!!"------------Who said fill in the blank is easy???Sige ikaw nga...try natin.. fill this blank with YES or NO...___________, i am not a normal person.-------------isipin mo palagi ako nandito sa likod momahulog ka man sa hukay huwag ka matakot hindi ka nag-iisahindi man kita kayang hilahin pataaskaya ko naman sumigaw ng"help, look oh, nahulog siya!!! Soo engot kasi!!!!"-------------gusto kong sabihing masaya ako para sa inyo..pero nasasaktan ako... puwede bang wag na siya.. ako na lang... ako na lang ulit...ONE MORE CHANCE - John lloyd at bea showing na!!!--------------a cardiologist was buried in a heart shaped coffin. one of the doctors laughed.when aske
Here are a few blonde jokes to brighten your day and a blonde video too.
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to change her hair color to brunette. Once she had brown hair, she decided to take a relaxing drive in the country.
After driving through a rural area for a while, she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are just adorable!"
sakaling dumating angoras na umiiyak ka,huwag kang magdadalawangisip na magtxt or tawagan akodahil ibibili kita ng ice creamtsaka lobo tapos hindinatin sila bati... :)----------------------------i hope ok ka lang today... umiiyak ako ngayon.. i have a big problem..txt ako sa yo to ask for your help.. can u help we with my problem??paano ba mag-ihaw ng YELO???----------------------------Patient: Doc i have problem but promise you wont laugh(drops his pants and shows the tiniest penis ever)doc trying not to laugh: Ok whats the problemPatient: namamaga po eh-----------------------------Konting pampam lan...Use DEDICATE in a sentence...kapag ginamitan mo yan ng glue for sure DEDICATE yan...How about CONTINUE..kahapon ang dami dami nyo bakit ngayon ang CONTINUE....idagdag pa natin ang VIOLET...Naholdap yung cellphone ko.. hindi bale.. i'll VIOLET...eto pa,OPINION...papasok ka sa pinto kung OPINION..eh ang CONCLUSION...siyempre, hindi ka naman makakapasok sa pintuan kung CONCLUSION...-------
The Internet is full of jokes, but, unfortunately, many of them are not very funny. At McCafferty's, we try to publish only jokes and stories that we truly find funny. Here are three of my favorite jokes. I laughed out loud when I first heard them, so the chances are very good that you will like them too.
A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the
I stopped at a gas station somewhere in the middle of nowhere on the way to Prague, and in the really gnarly (even by my standards) bathroom was "attended" by a fat old guy who was too busy picking his ass to hand me a towel or a mint or whatever bathroom attendants are supposed to do. But as I walked by he grunted at me and pushed his change cup in my face, demanding a tip. I gave him a few kroner or whatever they're called, because the CR was the one country that still has disneyland money instead of the Euro. But considering the condition of the bathroom, it was like I was paying him to watch me take a leak. And usually I do that deal the other way around.-JQPThis is like when you're a kid and your mom's all trying to change her tampon in the mall bathroom and she's all "stay in the adjacent stall, that way I can see you." Then she yells at you when you do this and you're all "Nu-huh, my foot's still in the stall." Then your mom just totally loses it and starts screaming. Love,B
Example ng mga hindi tamang sago sa maayos na tanong:1. Kumain ka na? - Busog pa ako2. Andyan ba ang nanay mo? - bakit po?3. Anong oras klase mo? - mamaya4. San kayo galing tol?? - nagstroll lang tol5. Paano mo ginawa yan? - madaling lang --------------------------------------------good persons are made of sugar and spice...but me, my friends are made of...san mig light and ice... :)--------------------------------------------Jingom bells jingom bellsjingom all the wayo daspan electric fankaldero kag pinggan hey!!!Advance Merry xmas!!! namamasko po!!!-------------------------------------------Mga title ng mga seksing pelikula:1. Ang kati ng higad mo2.budburan ko ng niyog ang mainit mong pichi-pichi3. lawayan mo baka mausog4.huwag mong ibabad, isawsaw mo lang5.napagod ang bunganga sa laki ng tilapya.6.huwag mong kamayin baka mapanis.7.pasalat ng peklat8.diligan mo ng suka ang nanunuyo kong lumpia9.kapag gumabi... bumubuka ang kabibe...10.nang tumapon ang nata ni Cocoy--------------
Eversince Erap entered politics there are lots of jokes invented, here are only a few of Erap jokes. Let's get it on!
---------------
Erap: Lintek na ibon iniputan ako!
Bodyguard: Sir, kukuha ako ng toilet paper.
Erap: Wag na! Paano mo pa mapupunasan ang puwet noon, nakalipad na! Tanga!
---------------
Erap in 3rd grade came home shouting...
Erap: Tay nanalo ako ng pahabaan ng ari.
Ama:...
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Ah, I don’t even have time to pretend to write a funny or insightful introduction to today’s post. You know what you want to see on the web, except I’m not posting it. You can find pornography easily without my help. But the next best thing is funny stuff about sex. So enjoy. Sex Don’ts Why do people have sex? Duh. Because it feels good. 10 things every girl should know about a boy’s private parts. (via Look at This) The biggest sex mistakes men and women make. Greybloke discovers porn on the internet. What does this chair look like to you? (via b3ta) Regular sex helps prevent coronary heart disease. Maxim’s favorite political sex scandals. The Oral Sex Snorkle. Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex with You (via It Occurred to Me) - When you request sex, she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in." - Gets very upset when the ashtray falls o
Here at e-LauGhs :-) labs, we test each and every one of the jokes or funny videos before we post them in order to make sure that the outcome will be certified funny stuff. We are testing our jokes on humans of all ages. As a proof of our strong efforts, we have videotaped the reaction of one of our millions of fans while he listens to our famous *PinG* / *Blogne* joke.And here, we test on multiple targets our famous *donald duck* joke. Finally, here is from the adults department. We test our videos :)Warning : No targets where harmed during the testing. (Obviously)
Sérieusement, y'a certains powerpoints qui sont utiles dans le sens qu'un t'as d'images ça peut passer mieux en powerpoint qu'en t'as d'images dans un e-mail, je le conçois. Mais c'est qui le twit qui a commencé à prendre des jokes déjà surutilisées, faire des tits dessins poches et en faire une joke powerpoint et envoyer ça à tout le monde au lieu des 4-5 lignes de textes originelles qui fesaient plus que très bien la job? J't'écoeuré d'ouvrir des criss de powerpoint pour m'apercevoir que je connais déjà la joke, joke qui au départ n'était pas drôle mais bien coquette tout au plus, t'sais, le genre de joke qui se retrouver sur Jokeotron.
10 Painful things:1.bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget2.reminiscing the good times3.trying to hide what you really feel4.loving someone who loves another5.having a commitment with someone that you know wouldnt last6.shielding your heart to love somebody7.loving a person too much8.right love at the wrong time9.taking the risk to fall in love again10. bihis na bihis ka tapos hindi ka pala kasama-------------------Pen pen de chorvaloo de kemerloo de eklavoo, hao hao de chenelyn de big uten, sifit dapat iipit, goldness filak chumuchorva sa tabi ng chenes!!! shoyan an..-------------------Minsan pinaupo ako sa isang room sa gitna ng maraming tao....Ayun dun nauso ang CENTER of ATTRACTION!!!-------------------Customer: Waiter!! bakit ang tagal ng order ko?? ilan ang cook nyo dito??Waiter: Ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito..Pipse lang..Pipse!!!-------------------Life's Formula:Assume wala.Expect konti.Do dami.Smile todo.Laugh Sagad.Once in awyle, iyak kontiMost of all, DASAL alway
It was a “lost file.” I occasionally see these jokes around and think, “hmm, I’ve posted that before.” But I was wrong, they were sitting here in a file that never made it to the blog. Jokes I’d been hanging on to about Kentucky. And since it’s Friday and you’re in a hurry to go out and do something besides work, I’ll put a linkless batch of jokes up. You can thank me later. OK, OK, it’s really because my mother-in-law is in the hospital and I’m still sick, but enjoy them anyway. Harlan Bar (Thanks, April!) Recently a police officer parked his patrol car outside a bar in Harlan, Kentucky. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five d
Teacher: mga bata alam ba nyo na ang bawat butil ng bigas ng palay ay galing sa dugo at pawis ng mga magsasaka???Mga bata: EEEWWWWWW!!!!-----------------------Apo: Lolo halina at bagong luto pa itong arroz caldo para makahigp po kayo ng sabaw para naman po mainitan ang sikmura nyo, halina po kayo lo!!Lolo: FUCK OFF!!!!----------------------Bob: nagkakamagkano ka sa isang araw???Pulubi: naguumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na, naka P80 na koBob: hindi na masama no?? ano mabibili mo dyan???Pulubi: Puwede na itong isang espreso macchiato sa starbucks...----------------------if only adam and eve were pinoy..they would not commit original sin..why??they would ignore the fruit..and instead..Eat the snake..PULUTAN ito!!!----------------------Boy: sigurado ka bang akin yan pinagbubuntis mo???Girl: oo naman!!! tatlo na ang tinanong ko hindi daw kanila!! ikaw na lang ang natitira kaya sigurado ako sa iyo talaga ito!!!----------------------Lolo: apo buhatin mo akoApo: san ko po kayo dadalhin lo
Remember the deers? Well, if you're going to have a game about deers then why not make a game about being a wolf? As far as I'm aware there's not many games out there that allow you to live the life of a wolf so this one is finally plugging that gap. When you think about, however, maybe these games didn't exist in the first place because they didn't have much of an audience in the first place. Anyway, this is where WolfQuest enters the picture.What better way to describe a game about wolves than showing one urinating? In fact, establishing your own territory through 'raised-leg urination marking' something I'm pretty sure makes this game unique already. Other features include finding a mate, following scent trails, taking part in a hunt and, erm, eating stuff. The game actually has missions but the website doesn't really say anything about them. However, since the game is a role-playing game and you actually do earn experience then the missions must be something more than lying around
Last night my pillow saw me sad.She asked me, "Why are you crying??? tears falling on me??"Know what i did??Siyempre tumakbo ako!!! kaw ba namang kausapin ng unan!!! English pa!!!--------------------------------------------------IQ testwhy is P3.70 = P13.20??? isip muna bago down....Answer: trisibinti=tsisibinti!!!!hahaha!!! hindi na-gets!!! basahin mo ulit!!! hehehhe--------------------------------------------------Kahit marami na akong nahalikanKahit madami ng labi ang dumampi sa akinMarami mang lumaway sa akinHindi ibig sabihin nito na wala na akong dangal--- Kutsara---------------------------------------------------Boy: Daddy?? how did i come into this world???Dad: listen carefully. Mom and dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restroom of the cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. when dad finished uploading. we discovered we did not use firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up
To finish off a really “bad” week, (Bad Parenting, Bad Sex, Bad Science, and Bad Medicine) I went to a really bad category in my files... blonde jokes. Not too many links, but I’ve had a bit of a time crunch, with more tomatoes than I’ve ever grown all deciding to ripen at the same time. And that time would be during the back-to-school sales. And the local fair. So forgive me for taking the easy way out today, as I get caught up (yeah right) or TRY to get caught up on all the other things in my life. And if I get a decent amount of work done this weekend, I’ll reward myself with a dye job! Then I’ll stop feeling gray and be back to my normal blonde self. Blonde and Blonder The Searching Blonde A police officer saw a blonde down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. "I dropped my ring and I'm looking for it," replied the blonde. After hel
Bakit "TT" ang tawag sa male sex organ??kasi kapag may nakahubad TAYO-ng-TAYOkasi kapag excited TIGAS-NG-TIGASkapag natapos TULO-ng-TULOoh ikaw?? TT rin..TAWA-ng-TAWA------------------------------------A pinoy in New York bumps into a blackman...BLACKMAN: Hey, watch it!!! you muddafucka!!!Pinoy: Gago ito ah!!! MADAFAKA RIN SANA!!! ngo ngo!!!-------------------------------------Tanong: Bakit hindi pwedeng magswimming ng sabay-sabay ang mga kalbo sa jacuzzi??Sagot: Kasi magmumukha silang FISHBALLS!!!! hehehe-------------------------------------Magmahal???oo, nagawa ko nmagmakaawa??oo, nasubukan ko naumiyak??oo, ilang beses nasumuko??hindi pa...bakit ako susukomukha ba akong WANTED??ARTISTAHIN yata ito!!!--------------------------------------Dangerous snake..ERECTERIUS TROUSERIUS(Trouser Snake)Description: varies from pink to black.. fangless... with highly venomous spit.. that can cause prolonged swelling for 9 months.. size varies from 3" to 9" depending on subspecies. Usually found i
For those of you who have been reading the annual letters, you will realise that Warren Buffett likes to include humourous writings into his letter. Some of them are actually quite funny and starting from today, I will be sharing them with you on a consistent basis. Here’s one:
There are really only three kinds of [...]
May our relationship turn into silversilver into goldand to diamondtapos benta natin para yumaman tau!!!bili tau ng bahay!!!!---------------------------------Marami akong lugar na hindi malilimutanlugar kung saan nagtawananlugar na kung saan nagasaranpero alam mo ba yung lugar na kahit kaylan hindi ko malilimutan??sa "makati"doon kita nakilala eh!!!--------------------------------sabi nila ang tumawa daw ng hahahaay good luckingat ang tumawa ng heheheay matalinoikaw anong pipiliin mo??maging good looking o matalino??hirap noh??haehaehaehae!!!!--------------------------alam mo ba tinext kita dahil gusto ko lang mangamusta...yun lang ayoko ng pahabain pa itong txt ko sa yo kasi ang pakay ko lang talaga ay kumustahin ka...medyo tinatamad ako magtxt lalo na kung mahaba at alam kong tatamarin ka din magbasa kaya eto kukumustahin lang kita..baka kapag may ginagawa kang importante sabihin mo nakakaabala pa ako sa yo kaya hindi na ako nagpapaligoy pa ng hindi ka mahabaan pa.. nakakahiya naman
The three-year-old beer I referred to in an earlier post has gone into the great big composting bin for my garden. I’m sure the vermin who live there were very happy. It confused the neighbor’s dogs, who couldn’t find the source of that awful smell after the liquid settled in amongst the tons of grass clippings. Thanks for all the suggestions, and apologies to those who mourned the wastefulness. I hope you enjoy today’s beer funnies. Beer Ad you won’t see on TV (via Bits and Pieces) Beers around the world. Beer gelatin for dessert. A Guide to Beer for Non-Beer Drinkers. (via Look at This) J-Walk is vacationing in Finland, where he found another use for beer. The Beer Song -Lego Version (via YesButNoButYes) Lords of the Drunk Sleeping Beauties. When the weather is hot, can a combination popsicle and beer be the perfect treat
A father was trying to teach his son about the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whisky curld up and died.Father: all right son, what have you learned from the show???Son: Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, hindi ka magkakabulate!!!!---------------------------------Mister: (kissing wife's shoulder) hon, sige naMisis: (nairita) bumabagyo!!!Mister: ayaw mo yun?? malamig!!!Misis: tanga!!! hindi ka na nahiya!! andaming tao dito sa evacuation center!!!---------------------------------Hello!!! Kumusta?? Badtrip ako... baliw yata yung kapitbahay namin.. sigaw ng sigaw, nagwawala talaga!!!.. tapos hindi ako makatulog kasi sumisigaw pa... sabi"Kahit picture mo lang (your name here)!!! maawa ka naman!!!"---------------------------------Anak: mommy kinakain ba ang "shit"???Mommy: ha?? bakit mo naman naitanong anak???Anak: kasi kagabi nadinig kita... sabi mo kay daddy..."SHIT!!!
Dead Cat Test A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat. She asked if it was dead or alive. “Dead,” she was informed. “How do you know?” she asked. “Because I pissed in his ear and it didn’t move.” said the child innocently. “You [...]
Manghuhula: Magiging mapalad ka sa larangan ng sex. Duduy: Wow!!! ibig nyong sabihin, marami akong makakasex??? Manghuhula: Hindi. Palad mo lang lagi ang makakasex mo!!! -------------------------------------------------- Lalaki 1 : anong hayop ang in na in?? Lalaki 2: ano?? Lalaki 1: Bear... Lalaki 2 : bakit bear?? Lalaki 1: kc OSO... pare OSO... Lalaki 2 : ngehhh!!! mamatay ka sa kakornihan --------------------------------------------------- Therapist: To what animal do you compare your penis??? Juan: Lion!!! its strong!!! Pedro: giraffe!!! coz its long Boy: Mouse!!! Juan and Pedro: What??? Why mouse??? Boy: Coz its chased by pussies!!! --------------------------------------------------- Pare 1: Ang gara ng sapatos mo pare!!! Pare 2: Sorpresa ng misis ko.. Pare 1: saan nabili?? Pare 2: ewan ko!!! nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama kaninang umaga, may medyas pa nga eh!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Host: ilang ta
I’m a failure at everything. I can’t keep a job. I can’t get a girlfriend. And I can’t stop my toe nail clippings from flying into my face.
One night, I was so depressed about my current state of affairs I decided to get drunk. I wanted to be an alcoholic, but it was a Sunday… [...]
While on the Bus Boy: I hate when i see a girl standing in a bus when i am comfortably seated Girl: so what do u do? Boy: i just close my eyes -------------------------------- Madaling magkasakit ang mga cute... ang mga crush ng bayan... ang ma appeal at henyo... ang kind, thoughtful, smart, sweet, malakas ang karisma... ang.... sama ng pakiramdam ko... ------------------------------- Sa impiyerno Satanas: Papipiliin kita ng gusto mong parusa sa yo!!! mamili ka sa tatlong kuwarto ng kaparusahan!! Binuksan ang unang kuwarto, isang lalaki ang nakakadena habang unti unting lumulubog sa dagat ng apoy.. Boy: ayoko diyan!!! Binuksan ang pangalawang kuwarto: isang lalaki ang nakakadena nilalatigo!! Boy: ayoko riyan!!! Binuksan ang pangatlong kuwarto: isang matandang lalaki nakakadena habang bini-bj ng isang magandang babae. Boy: Diyan!!! dyan ako dapat!!! Satanas: (kinalabit ang magandang babae) May kapalit ka na!!! ------------------------------ Dalaw
Until last week, I wouldn't have said I liked Jimmy Carr (smarmy persona, presents 8 out of 10 Cats and innumerable top 50/top 100 countdown shows), although he can make me laugh sometimes, e.g."Throwing acid is wrong...in some people's eyes.""The male gypsy moth can smell the female gypsy moth up to seven miles away - and that fact also works if you remove the word moth."(Thanks to Sarah for telling me.)
"filipino class"Guro: juan, magbigay ng pangungusap na may tayutay...Juan: Ahem. " ang tatay ay nadapa.. Tayo tay!! tayo tay!!!"------------------------------------------------------ang pagkakaibigan...parang bulate sa puwet hindi mo makikita yun...pero ikaw lang ang nakakadama ng kiliti nito...salamat ha!!! dahil isa kang bulate sa puwet ko !!!ang kati mo friend!!!-------------------------------------------------------kung pangarap mong mahalin ka ng isang tao ng totoo at tunay at hindi ka lolokohin...Txt mo si Prospero Pichay!!!Pangarap niyang tuparin ang pangarap mo!!!!---------------------------------------------------------There was a mommy fish who got separated from her baby fish...When they saw each other again after a very long time..the mommy fish said to the baby fish...ISDA you?? :)-----------------------------------------------------------Mahirap isipin at pag-isipan na ang taon iniisip mo ay hindi man lang lubos na makaisip na isipin ka...naisip mo ba ang nais ipaisip ng
PINOY SIGNSPosted outside a house in Jaro, Iloilo :HOURSE FOR RENT, FULLY FURNACED (Boy, it must really be hot in there.)On a glass window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan :WE SHOOT YOU WHILE YOU WAIT Posted at a construction site in Mandaluyong:BAWAL OMEHI DITO, ANG MAHULI, BOG-BOG! On the fence of a makeshift parking lot in Pasay :PARKING PEE: P10 Printed on a streamer in front of a gym in Lucena City :We Almost Have Complete Set of Gym Equipments (Now, how's that for truth in advertising?)In a supermarket in Baguio :FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE Outside a flower shop along Avenida Rizal:WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS In a bowling center in Congressional:PARKING FOR COSTUMERS ONLY In a restaurant in Cebu :WE HAB SOP-DRINK IN CAN AN IN BATOL On the glass wall of an eatery in Panay Avenue near National Bookstore (but this was a long time ago):WANTED: WAITER, CASHIER, WASHIER In San Andres, Manila :NO URINATION ON THE OVER WALLS In a classified ads section:WANTED SALESLADY, 20-25
SHIT TALK:JERBS,JERBAK = taeTUBOL = taeng mtigas, gabato, msakit sa pwet.MEKIKWEKWEK = eto ung mlamig na talsik ng tubig sa pwet pag natutubol.BURABUS = sabog na tae, kalat sa buong inidoro.BUGRET = taeng malambot, may mga gulay, bits, corn, bellpepper.HUDINI = taeng biglang nawawala, wala ka ng ifaflush.MCARTHUR = taeng bumabalik pagakatpos i-flush. I shall return!!!!LIGAPOT = taeng tubig, diarrhea, mabaho!!!BAHID = taeng nasa panty at brief dulot ng UST.UST = utot sabay tae.------------------------TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?BOY#1: Naglaba mam!TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?BOY#2: Naglalaba!TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!------------------------AMERICAN ENGLISH: Eat All You Can, don't be shy, feel at home!!!!IN TAGALOG: kain lang kayo ng kain,walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to! Gago!!!------------------------MGA JOB TITLES NA DAPAT NANG PALITAN:PRESIDENT- pasimuno.VICE PRESIDENT- kunsitidor.SECRETARY- palsipikador.TREAS
Congratulations to Batch 2007 !!! Happy Graduation !!!! Happy Commencement Day !!! Maligayang Pagtatapos !!! Welcome to the world of happily unemployed/employed !!! Good luck to you all !!!-----------------------------------Q: Anong apelyido ni Sisa?A: Sisa MistritQ: Anong apelyido ni Cedie?A: Cedie PlayerQ: Anong apleyido ni Beast?A: Beast KwitQ: Anong first name ni Nemo?A: Sarahgero NemoQ: Anong apelyido ni Punisher?A: Punisher RannoQ: Anong apelyido ni Denzel?A: Denzel WetaQ: Anong apelyido ni Curly?A: Curly GazpiQ: Ano last name ni Anchor?A: Anchor TisQ: Ano last name ni Jewel?A: Jewel TorreQ: Ano last name ni Kula?A: Kula DesmaQ: Ano surname ni Joseph?A: Joseph ProtgamQ: Anong apelyido ni Aiko?A: Aiko ZadaQ: Anong apelyido ni Christopher?A: Christopher MinuteQ: Anong apelyido ni Palito?A: Palito LippiQ: Anong first name ni Keno?A: Krisa KenoQ: Ano first name ni Janno?A: Eduman JannoQ: Ano first name ni Squall?A: Piolopa SquallQ: Ano first name ni Basilio?A: Lacto BasilioQ: Ano fir
Congratulations to Batch 2007 !!! Happy Graduation !!!! Happy Commencement Day !!! Maligayang Pagtatapos !!! Welcome to the world of happily unemployed/employed !!! Good luck to you all !!!------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------"hindi ibig sabihing marami ng labi ang dumampi sa akin ay marumi no...hindi ibig sabihing marami ng laway ang natikman ko ay wala na akong dangal..."---kutsara---------------------------------------------------------------------------Ito ang message na sigurado ifo-forward mo:"GAGALISIN ANG PUWET NG HULING MAKAKATANGGAP NITO"yahooo!! Safe na ako... sori na lang sa mga walang load!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------HEADLINEDalawang matandang babae... nagjojogging sa plaza.. na-rape!!!Kinabukasan..
Wishin you the warmth, happiness and goodwill of the season...And all the best that new year can bring...MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!Walang pakialamanan...Malamig eh!!!-----------------------------------------------------------If good looks could kill, don’t look at me.I don’t want to see you die.------------------------------------------------------------Erap to Loi: Wow ang bango mo ngayon ah! Anong gamit mong pabango?Loi: Secret!!!Erap: Secret? Di ba pinapahid yun sa kili-kili?------------------------------------------------------------Days are made special with a smile.So smile at everyone, smile at everything...Smile anywhere , smile anytime....A friendly reminder from PHILIPPINE MENTAL HOSPITAL.------------------------------------------------------------In a petshop, customer talks to a parrot.CUSTOMER: hoy!!! Can you talk ha??? Bobo!!!PARROT: yes I can!!!! Ikaw? Can you fly ha? Can you fly? Gago!-----------------------------------------------------------Bakit ba may mga taong manhid??
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcomMaligayang Araw ng mga Puso !!!! Happy Valentines Day !!!!---------------------------------------------This message is strictly for CUTE and CHARMING persons only… since you received this message… we deeply apologize for the disturbance due to technical error… Happy Valentine's day !!!----------------------------------------------------------------A lawyer driving on a hi-way notices a crowd in an intersection. With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action.. He shouted, "im the son of the victim." upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through. there he saw, bloody and helpless lying infront of the people. A pig bumped by a trailer truck.--------------------------------------When problems seem unbearable and solutions are too elusive. Never try to give up on life. Why? Come on! Hindi mo alam, grabe ang struggle ng sperm ma-reach lang ang egg para
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom----------------------------The SinnerSinner: Father 4give me for I have sinned. Im sexually preoccupied and often read dirty jokes and graphics from my celfonePriest: child, can you be my textmate?------------------MagkumareMrs Wan: oh mare bt ka umiiyak?Mrs Tu: Nag-away kami ni pare, gusto niya sex kame style aso, tumanggi akoMrs Wan: Masarap naman yun ah?Mrs Tu:Masarap nga, kaso ang gusto niya sa kalsada!-------------------Juan at PedroJuan: Pre, san ka galing?Pedro: sa sementeryo, Libing ng biyenan koJuan:Eh bat ang dami kong kalmot sa braso at mukhaPedro: ang hirap ilibing eh, Lumalaban-------------------BF: sunduin kita mamaya,bubusina nalang ako sa kapag nasa harap na ng bahay nyoGF: Ok sige, anong dala mong sasakyanBF: Wala, busina lang-------------------May TITI ka ba?T- tiwala saI - iyongT- tunay naI- iniibigPuwes, i-text mo siya at sabihin"Loves anlaki ng TITI ko par
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom--------------------------A Colegiala was interviewed...Question: whats the difference between a penis and a Kamote?Colegiala: yak naman!!! as in hellooo?? I dont eat kamote noh.. how can i compare?!--------------------------GRO: Miss pabili ng condom, dalawang dosenaTindera: wow!! Dami naman… Fully booked ba ngayon??GRO: hindi naman.. may 3-day sale lang…----------------------------------Teacher: Give me colors that begin with letter “M”Pupil: Maroon!!!Teacher: Anybody else??Ngongo: Mlue, Mrawn, mlak, maiolet…Teacher: Mery ngood!!!----------------------------------Pedro: Galing ako sa doctor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid grabe ang linaw na ng pandinig koJuan: talga?! Magkano ang bili mo?Pedro: Kahapon lang…----------------------------------Apo: Lola pano kung isang araw ay umulan ng titi.. ano ang gagawin nyo??Lola: Naku apo… kulimlim pa lang ay hubo na ako…-
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