Happy Valentines day!!!!! Maligayang Araw ng mga Puso!!!! from Pinoy Jokes---------------------Exercise daily keep your body healthy like my lola She was 35 when she started walking 5kms a day Now she's 98 and until now... hindi pa umuuwi.. wala ba dyan??
"Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya? Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"- Talong"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"- Putok"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"- Lego"Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'y iyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!"- Popcorn"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"- Singit"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"- Utot"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"- Pigsa"Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo.Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!"- Aircon"Pagod na akong humawak ng balls mo! Pagod narin ako sa pagbihis-hubad mo sa akin. Malapit na naman ulit! Ayoko na!!!"- Christmas Tree."I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt, But you know, I didn't ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepenopipo!" Manny Pacquiao."Yo
Sa taon ng daga, sana kagatin ka suwerte, ngatngatin ka ng saya at maging mabilis ang pasok ng pera sa yo!!! ipasa mo agad ito sa iba. kapag bumalik sa yo.. Suwerte yun!!!!-------They say i look goodi say ...i taste even better!!! hehehehe!!!-------if you have sex 365 times last year and kept all condoms and melt them, you can then make a tire and actually call it a GOODYEAR!!!! heheheh-------Kapag iniwan ka ng mahal moHuwag kang lumuhaSa halip magsaya at sabihin...simula ng iniwan mo ako..."my skin is firmer. my pores are smaller and my lines parang nawala" :)--------"laging nasa huli ang pinakamatangkad""kapag may usok... kawawa ang may hika"" when the cat is away.. sabihin mo lang.. wiss, wiss, wiss para lumapit""Kapag may tiyaga... may Goodluck!!!""Aanhin pa ang damo kung garden mo naman ay sementado"---------Wrong send of the day"Pare huwag mong kalimutan dalhin ang condom ha... Love you!!!!"----------Sa Math ClassTeacher: tanong, kung meron akong 1 piraso ng karnet at hinati ko
This edition of PinoyJokes is brought to you by PenoycentradotNEt. Thanks to all who shares their jokes!!! keep them coming!!!! Txt nyo na ang mga Jokes jokes nyo!!!!--------------Ano bang problema mo? Tinatanung lang naman kita, minumura mo pa ako. Hindi naman kita pinipilit sumagot!! kung hindi mo na kaya eh di huwag na!!!!--- TEST PAPER------------Babae: aalis na ako!!! iiwan na kita!!!Lalake: huwag love!!! Kapag umalis ka!!! maglalaslas ako ng pulso...Babae: mukha mo!!! magpatuli nga hindi mo magawa!! maglaslas pa kaya?? Supot!!!-----------May then holiday season bring u Joy, Grace and Love...Si Joy nasa dating club pa din; si Grace kasi may utang ka pa at hinahanap ka ni Love, buntis daw!!!-----------Son: Dad, i had my first sex with my classmate:Dad: Wow!! Ang galing mo anak!! very macho!!! inum tayo.. Let's celebrate your becoming man!!!Son: Bukas na dad!!! Sakit ng Puwet ko eh!!!-----------Nasa bangka with your ever plastic friend and your two timer exng biglang lumulubog ang b
Juan: Buwiset na shampoo ito.. hindi bumubulaPedro: paanong bubula yan hindi naman basa ang buhok mo!!!Juan: Baliw!!! for dry hair nga daw ito eh!!! bobo ka ba??!! Epal!!!------------------------Do you know INNER ROW???What is inner row??Inner Row is that which comes beforePibrerowMarsowAbrilMayow...-----------------------Alcohol Solves no problems. Neither does milk. Pero buti pa ang alak, libre kung minsan.Eh ang Milk?? Meron na bang nag-treat ng milk? at sinabi nya tara dude milk tau??!!!-----------------------Mag syotang nag uusap sa tabing dagatGirl: Hon anong zodiac sign mo??Boy: (nagisip siya dahil bobo hindi nya alam) sayo muna hon.Girl:zodiac sign ko CancerBoy: sa kin Goiter!!!-----------------------as proposed by law sex will now be taxed.1. upon penetration(VAT Vaginal Access Tax)2. more that 10 minutes inside(burial Tax)3. Upon withdrawal(exit tax)4. Those who do not have sex life(idle asset tax)5. those who practice withdrawal method of birth control(withholding tax)6. Ent
Cheap Lacoste Shirts for Christmas!!! order now!!!--------------------kung totoo ang "Darwin's theory of evolution" na ang tao ay namula sa unggoyBakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo???Baka another theory noh???--------------------did you know that-cockroaches have fingers and nails??-rats can cure diabetes??-ballpens in the earlier times are used as needles in making umbrellas??-the saliva of a horse is used in making cheese??galing noh??Lahat yan imbento ko lang... hahahaha--------------------Life depends on the way you think. For example, read this: Mypenisinhermouth.What did u read?? My pen is in her mouth.or did your dirty mind read something else???--------------------Boy: musta???Girl: k lang. kaw?Boy:k lang din. hehehe.Girl:hehehe..sa Globe Unlitxt, walang kuwenta ang usapan. hahahaha--------------------Amo: mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng ingles. ang sinomang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko palalayasin sa pamamahay na ito!!! klaro ba??Inday: ang mga namutawi sa iyong mga
Cheap Lacoste Shirt for Sale------------------Roses for lovers,chocolates for crushesballoons for friendshipsmost of all,for lovelessred...REDHORSE..-----------A man killed a DEER and cooked it but doesnt tell the kids what it ishe gives a clue"ganyan ang tawag ng Mama nyo sa akin"the girl cries out,"wag nyong kainin.. demonyo yan!!!!"------------Who said fill in the blank is easy???Sige ikaw nga...try natin.. fill this blank with YES or NO...___________, i am not a normal person.-------------isipin mo palagi ako nandito sa likod momahulog ka man sa hukay huwag ka matakot hindi ka nag-iisahindi man kita kayang hilahin pataaskaya ko naman sumigaw ng"help, look oh, nahulog siya!!! Soo engot kasi!!!!"-------------gusto kong sabihing masaya ako para sa inyo..pero nasasaktan ako... puwede bang wag na siya.. ako na lang... ako na lang ulit...ONE MORE CHANCE - John lloyd at bea showing na!!!--------------a cardiologist was buried in a heart shaped coffin. one of the doctors laughed.when aske
sakaling dumating angoras na umiiyak ka,huwag kang magdadalawangisip na magtxt or tawagan akodahil ibibili kita ng ice creamtsaka lobo tapos hindinatin sila bati... :)----------------------------i hope ok ka lang today... umiiyak ako ngayon.. i have a big problem..txt ako sa yo to ask for your help.. can u help we with my problem??paano ba mag-ihaw ng YELO???----------------------------Patient: Doc i have problem but promise you wont laugh(drops his pants and shows the tiniest penis ever)doc trying not to laugh: Ok whats the problemPatient: namamaga po eh-----------------------------Konting pampam lan...Use DEDICATE in a sentence...kapag ginamitan mo yan ng glue for sure DEDICATE yan...How about CONTINUE..kahapon ang dami dami nyo bakit ngayon ang CONTINUE....idagdag pa natin ang VIOLET...Naholdap yung cellphone ko.. hindi bale.. i'll VIOLET...eto pa,OPINION...papasok ka sa pinto kung OPINION..eh ang CONCLUSION...siyempre, hindi ka naman makakapasok sa pintuan kung CONCLUSION...-------
Example ng mga hindi tamang sago sa maayos na tanong:1. Kumain ka na? - Busog pa ako2. Andyan ba ang nanay mo? - bakit po?3. Anong oras klase mo? - mamaya4. San kayo galing tol?? - nagstroll lang tol5. Paano mo ginawa yan? - madaling lang --------------------------------------------good persons are made of sugar and spice...but me, my friends are made of...san mig light and ice... :)--------------------------------------------Jingom bells jingom bellsjingom all the wayo daspan electric fankaldero kag pinggan hey!!!Advance Merry xmas!!! namamasko po!!!-------------------------------------------Mga title ng mga seksing pelikula:1. Ang kati ng higad mo2.budburan ko ng niyog ang mainit mong pichi-pichi3. lawayan mo baka mausog4.huwag mong ibabad, isawsaw mo lang5.napagod ang bunganga sa laki ng tilapya.6.huwag mong kamayin baka mapanis.7.pasalat ng peklat8.diligan mo ng suka ang nanunuyo kong lumpia9.kapag gumabi... bumubuka ang kabibe...10.nang tumapon ang nata ni Cocoy--------------
10 Painful things:1.bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget2.reminiscing the good times3.trying to hide what you really feel4.loving someone who loves another5.having a commitment with someone that you know wouldnt last6.shielding your heart to love somebody7.loving a person too much8.right love at the wrong time9.taking the risk to fall in love again10. bihis na bihis ka tapos hindi ka pala kasama-------------------Pen pen de chorvaloo de kemerloo de eklavoo, hao hao de chenelyn de big uten, sifit dapat iipit, goldness filak chumuchorva sa tabi ng chenes!!! shoyan an..-------------------Minsan pinaupo ako sa isang room sa gitna ng maraming tao....Ayun dun nauso ang CENTER of ATTRACTION!!!-------------------Customer: Waiter!! bakit ang tagal ng order ko?? ilan ang cook nyo dito??Waiter: Ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito..Pipse lang..Pipse!!!-------------------Life's Formula:Assume wala.Expect konti.Do dami.Smile todo.Laugh Sagad.Once in awyle, iyak kontiMost of all, DASAL alway
Teacher: mga bata alam ba nyo na ang bawat butil ng bigas ng palay ay galing sa dugo at pawis ng mga magsasaka???Mga bata: EEEWWWWWW!!!!-----------------------Apo: Lolo halina at bagong luto pa itong arroz caldo para makahigp po kayo ng sabaw para naman po mainitan ang sikmura nyo, halina po kayo lo!!Lolo: FUCK OFF!!!!----------------------Bob: nagkakamagkano ka sa isang araw???Pulubi: naguumpisa kasi ako ng 8am. Ngayon 9am na, naka P80 na koBob: hindi na masama no?? ano mabibili mo dyan???Pulubi: Puwede na itong isang espreso macchiato sa starbucks...----------------------if only adam and eve were pinoy..they would not commit original sin..why??they would ignore the fruit..and instead..Eat the snake..PULUTAN ito!!!----------------------Boy: sigurado ka bang akin yan pinagbubuntis mo???Girl: oo naman!!! tatlo na ang tinanong ko hindi daw kanila!! ikaw na lang ang natitira kaya sigurado ako sa iyo talaga ito!!!----------------------Lolo: apo buhatin mo akoApo: san ko po kayo dadalhin lo
Last night my pillow saw me sad.She asked me, "Why are you crying??? tears falling on me??"Know what i did??Siyempre tumakbo ako!!! kaw ba namang kausapin ng unan!!! English pa!!!--------------------------------------------------IQ testwhy is P3.70 = P13.20??? isip muna bago down....Answer: trisibinti=tsisibinti!!!!hahaha!!! hindi na-gets!!! basahin mo ulit!!! hehehhe--------------------------------------------------Kahit marami na akong nahalikanKahit madami ng labi ang dumampi sa akinMarami mang lumaway sa akinHindi ibig sabihin nito na wala na akong dangal--- Kutsara---------------------------------------------------Boy: Daddy?? how did i come into this world???Dad: listen carefully. Mom and dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restroom of the cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad's memory stick. when dad finished uploading. we discovered we did not use firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up
Bakit "TT" ang tawag sa male sex organ??kasi kapag may nakahubad TAYO-ng-TAYOkasi kapag excited TIGAS-NG-TIGASkapag natapos TULO-ng-TULOoh ikaw?? TT rin..TAWA-ng-TAWA------------------------------------A pinoy in New York bumps into a blackman...BLACKMAN: Hey, watch it!!! you muddafucka!!!Pinoy: Gago ito ah!!! MADAFAKA RIN SANA!!! ngo ngo!!!-------------------------------------Tanong: Bakit hindi pwedeng magswimming ng sabay-sabay ang mga kalbo sa jacuzzi??Sagot: Kasi magmumukha silang FISHBALLS!!!! hehehe-------------------------------------Magmahal???oo, nagawa ko nmagmakaawa??oo, nasubukan ko naumiyak??oo, ilang beses nasumuko??hindi pa...bakit ako susukomukha ba akong WANTED??ARTISTAHIN yata ito!!!--------------------------------------Dangerous snake..ERECTERIUS TROUSERIUS(Trouser Snake)Description: varies from pink to black.. fangless... with highly venomous spit.. that can cause prolonged swelling for 9 months.. size varies from 3" to 9" depending on subspecies. Usually found i
May our relationship turn into silversilver into goldand to diamondtapos benta natin para yumaman tau!!!bili tau ng bahay!!!!---------------------------------Marami akong lugar na hindi malilimutanlugar kung saan nagtawananlugar na kung saan nagasaranpero alam mo ba yung lugar na kahit kaylan hindi ko malilimutan??sa "makati"doon kita nakilala eh!!!--------------------------------sabi nila ang tumawa daw ng hahahaay good luckingat ang tumawa ng heheheay matalinoikaw anong pipiliin mo??maging good looking o matalino??hirap noh??haehaehaehae!!!!--------------------------alam mo ba tinext kita dahil gusto ko lang mangamusta...yun lang ayoko ng pahabain pa itong txt ko sa yo kasi ang pakay ko lang talaga ay kumustahin ka...medyo tinatamad ako magtxt lalo na kung mahaba at alam kong tatamarin ka din magbasa kaya eto kukumustahin lang kita..baka kapag may ginagawa kang importante sabihin mo nakakaabala pa ako sa yo kaya hindi na ako nagpapaligoy pa ng hindi ka mahabaan pa.. nakakahiya naman
A father was trying to teach his son about the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whisky curld up and died.Father: all right son, what have you learned from the show???Son: Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, hindi ka magkakabulate!!!!---------------------------------Mister: (kissing wife's shoulder) hon, sige naMisis: (nairita) bumabagyo!!!Mister: ayaw mo yun?? malamig!!!Misis: tanga!!! hindi ka na nahiya!! andaming tao dito sa evacuation center!!!---------------------------------Hello!!! Kumusta?? Badtrip ako... baliw yata yung kapitbahay namin.. sigaw ng sigaw, nagwawala talaga!!!.. tapos hindi ako makatulog kasi sumisigaw pa... sabi"Kahit picture mo lang (your name here)!!! maawa ka naman!!!"---------------------------------Anak: mommy kinakain ba ang "shit"???Mommy: ha?? bakit mo naman naitanong anak???Anak: kasi kagabi nadinig kita... sabi mo kay daddy..."SHIT!!!
Manghuhula: Magiging mapalad ka sa larangan ng sex. Duduy: Wow!!! ibig nyong sabihin, marami akong makakasex??? Manghuhula: Hindi. Palad mo lang lagi ang makakasex mo!!! -------------------------------------------------- Lalaki 1 : anong hayop ang in na in?? Lalaki 2: ano?? Lalaki 1: Bear... Lalaki 2 : bakit bear?? Lalaki 1: kc OSO... pare OSO... Lalaki 2 : ngehhh!!! mamatay ka sa kakornihan --------------------------------------------------- Therapist: To what animal do you compare your penis??? Juan: Lion!!! its strong!!! Pedro: giraffe!!! coz its long Boy: Mouse!!! Juan and Pedro: What??? Why mouse??? Boy: Coz its chased by pussies!!! --------------------------------------------------- Pare 1: Ang gara ng sapatos mo pare!!! Pare 2: Sorpresa ng misis ko.. Pare 1: saan nabili?? Pare 2: ewan ko!!! nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama kaninang umaga, may medyas pa nga eh!!! ----------------------------------------------------- Host: ilang ta
While on the Bus Boy: I hate when i see a girl standing in a bus when i am comfortably seated Girl: so what do u do? Boy: i just close my eyes -------------------------------- Madaling magkasakit ang mga cute... ang mga crush ng bayan... ang ma appeal at henyo... ang kind, thoughtful, smart, sweet, malakas ang karisma... ang.... sama ng pakiramdam ko... ------------------------------- Sa impiyerno Satanas: Papipiliin kita ng gusto mong parusa sa yo!!! mamili ka sa tatlong kuwarto ng kaparusahan!! Binuksan ang unang kuwarto, isang lalaki ang nakakadena habang unti unting lumulubog sa dagat ng apoy.. Boy: ayoko diyan!!! Binuksan ang pangalawang kuwarto: isang lalaki ang nakakadena nilalatigo!! Boy: ayoko riyan!!! Binuksan ang pangatlong kuwarto: isang matandang lalaki nakakadena habang bini-bj ng isang magandang babae. Boy: Diyan!!! dyan ako dapat!!! Satanas: (kinalabit ang magandang babae) May kapalit ka na!!! ------------------------------ Dalaw
"filipino class"Guro: juan, magbigay ng pangungusap na may tayutay...Juan: Ahem. " ang tatay ay nadapa.. Tayo tay!! tayo tay!!!"------------------------------------------------------ang pagkakaibigan...parang bulate sa puwet hindi mo makikita yun...pero ikaw lang ang nakakadama ng kiliti nito...salamat ha!!! dahil isa kang bulate sa puwet ko !!!ang kati mo friend!!!-------------------------------------------------------kung pangarap mong mahalin ka ng isang tao ng totoo at tunay at hindi ka lolokohin...Txt mo si Prospero Pichay!!!Pangarap niyang tuparin ang pangarap mo!!!!---------------------------------------------------------There was a mommy fish who got separated from her baby fish...When they saw each other again after a very long time..the mommy fish said to the baby fish...ISDA you?? :)-----------------------------------------------------------Mahirap isipin at pag-isipan na ang taon iniisip mo ay hindi man lang lubos na makaisip na isipin ka...naisip mo ba ang nais ipaisip ng
PINOY SIGNSPosted outside a house in Jaro, Iloilo :HOURSE FOR RENT, FULLY FURNACED (Boy, it must really be hot in there.)On a glass window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan :WE SHOOT YOU WHILE YOU WAIT Posted at a construction site in Mandaluyong:BAWAL OMEHI DITO, ANG MAHULI, BOG-BOG! On the fence of a makeshift parking lot in Pasay :PARKING PEE: P10 Printed on a streamer in front of a gym in Lucena City :We Almost Have Complete Set of Gym Equipments (Now, how's that for truth in advertising?)In a supermarket in Baguio :FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE Outside a flower shop along Avenida Rizal:WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS In a bowling center in Congressional:PARKING FOR COSTUMERS ONLY In a restaurant in Cebu :WE HAB SOP-DRINK IN CAN AN IN BATOL On the glass wall of an eatery in Panay Avenue near National Bookstore (but this was a long time ago):WANTED: WAITER, CASHIER, WASHIER In San Andres, Manila :NO URINATION ON THE OVER WALLS In a classified ads section:WANTED SALESLADY, 20-25
SHIT TALK:JERBS,JERBAK = taeTUBOL = taeng mtigas, gabato, msakit sa pwet.MEKIKWEKWEK = eto ung mlamig na talsik ng tubig sa pwet pag natutubol.BURABUS = sabog na tae, kalat sa buong inidoro.BUGRET = taeng malambot, may mga gulay, bits, corn, bellpepper.HUDINI = taeng biglang nawawala, wala ka ng ifaflush.MCARTHUR = taeng bumabalik pagakatpos i-flush. I shall return!!!!LIGAPOT = taeng tubig, diarrhea, mabaho!!!BAHID = taeng nasa panty at brief dulot ng UST.UST = utot sabay tae.------------------------TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?BOY#1: Naglaba mam!TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?BOY#2: Naglalaba!TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!------------------------AMERICAN ENGLISH: Eat All You Can, don't be shy, feel at home!!!!IN TAGALOG: kain lang kayo ng kain,walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to! Gago!!!------------------------MGA JOB TITLES NA DAPAT NANG PALITAN:PRESIDENT- pasimuno.VICE PRESIDENT- kunsitidor.SECRETARY- palsipikador.TREAS
Congratulations to Batch 2007 !!! Happy Graduation !!!! Happy Commencement Day !!! Maligayang Pagtatapos !!! Welcome to the world of happily unemployed/employed !!! Good luck to you all !!!-----------------------------------Q: Anong apelyido ni Sisa?A: Sisa MistritQ: Anong apelyido ni Cedie?A: Cedie PlayerQ: Anong apleyido ni Beast?A: Beast KwitQ: Anong first name ni Nemo?A: Sarahgero NemoQ: Anong apelyido ni Punisher?A: Punisher RannoQ: Anong apelyido ni Denzel?A: Denzel WetaQ: Anong apelyido ni Curly?A: Curly GazpiQ: Ano last name ni Anchor?A: Anchor TisQ: Ano last name ni Jewel?A: Jewel TorreQ: Ano last name ni Kula?A: Kula DesmaQ: Ano surname ni Joseph?A: Joseph ProtgamQ: Anong apelyido ni Aiko?A: Aiko ZadaQ: Anong apelyido ni Christopher?A: Christopher MinuteQ: Anong apelyido ni Palito?A: Palito LippiQ: Anong first name ni Keno?A: Krisa KenoQ: Ano first name ni Janno?A: Eduman JannoQ: Ano first name ni Squall?A: Piolopa SquallQ: Ano first name ni Basilio?A: Lacto BasilioQ: Ano fir
Congratulations to Batch 2007 !!! Happy Graduation !!!! Happy Commencement Day !!! Maligayang Pagtatapos !!! Welcome to the world of happily unemployed/employed !!! Good luck to you all !!!------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------"hindi ibig sabihing marami ng labi ang dumampi sa akin ay marumi no...hindi ibig sabihing marami ng laway ang natikman ko ay wala na akong dangal..."---kutsara---------------------------------------------------------------------------Ito ang message na sigurado ifo-forward mo:"GAGALISIN ANG PUWET NG HULING MAKAKATANGGAP NITO"yahooo!! Safe na ako... sori na lang sa mga walang load!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------HEADLINEDalawang matandang babae... nagjojogging sa plaza.. na-rape!!!Kinabukasan..
Wishin you the warmth, happiness and goodwill of the season...And all the best that new year can bring...MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!Walang pakialamanan...Malamig eh!!!-----------------------------------------------------------If good looks could kill, don’t look at me.I don’t want to see you die.------------------------------------------------------------Erap to Loi: Wow ang bango mo ngayon ah! Anong gamit mong pabango?Loi: Secret!!!Erap: Secret? Di ba pinapahid yun sa kili-kili?------------------------------------------------------------Days are made special with a smile.So smile at everyone, smile at everything...Smile anywhere , smile anytime....A friendly reminder from PHILIPPINE MENTAL HOSPITAL.------------------------------------------------------------In a petshop, customer talks to a parrot.CUSTOMER: hoy!!! Can you talk ha??? Bobo!!!PARROT: yes I can!!!! Ikaw? Can you fly ha? Can you fly? Gago!-----------------------------------------------------------Bakit ba may mga taong manhid??
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcomMaligayang Araw ng mga Puso !!!! Happy Valentines Day !!!!---------------------------------------------This message is strictly for CUTE and CHARMING persons only… since you received this message… we deeply apologize for the disturbance due to technical error… Happy Valentine's day !!!----------------------------------------------------------------A lawyer driving on a hi-way notices a crowd in an intersection. With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action.. He shouted, "im the son of the victim." upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through. there he saw, bloody and helpless lying infront of the people. A pig bumped by a trailer truck.--------------------------------------When problems seem unbearable and solutions are too elusive. Never try to give up on life. Why? Come on! Hindi mo alam, grabe ang struggle ng sperm ma-reach lang ang egg para
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom----------------------------The SinnerSinner: Father 4give me for I have sinned. Im sexually preoccupied and often read dirty jokes and graphics from my celfonePriest: child, can you be my textmate?------------------MagkumareMrs Wan: oh mare bt ka umiiyak?Mrs Tu: Nag-away kami ni pare, gusto niya sex kame style aso, tumanggi akoMrs Wan: Masarap naman yun ah?Mrs Tu:Masarap nga, kaso ang gusto niya sa kalsada!-------------------Juan at PedroJuan: Pre, san ka galing?Pedro: sa sementeryo, Libing ng biyenan koJuan:Eh bat ang dami kong kalmot sa braso at mukhaPedro: ang hirap ilibing eh, Lumalaban-------------------BF: sunduin kita mamaya,bubusina nalang ako sa kapag nasa harap na ng bahay nyoGF: Ok sige, anong dala mong sasakyanBF: Wala, busina lang-------------------May TITI ka ba?T- tiwala saI - iyongT- tunay naI- iniibigPuwes, i-text mo siya at sabihin"Loves anlaki ng TITI ko par
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom--------------------------A Colegiala was interviewed...Question: whats the difference between a penis and a Kamote?Colegiala: yak naman!!! as in hellooo?? I dont eat kamote noh.. how can i compare?!--------------------------GRO: Miss pabili ng condom, dalawang dosenaTindera: wow!! Dami naman… Fully booked ba ngayon??GRO: hindi naman.. may 3-day sale lang…----------------------------------Teacher: Give me colors that begin with letter “M”Pupil: Maroon!!!Teacher: Anybody else??Ngongo: Mlue, Mrawn, mlak, maiolet…Teacher: Mery ngood!!!----------------------------------Pedro: Galing ako sa doctor, nakabili na ako ng hearing aid grabe ang linaw na ng pandinig koJuan: talga?! Magkano ang bili mo?Pedro: Kahapon lang…----------------------------------Apo: Lola pano kung isang araw ay umulan ng titi.. ano ang gagawin nyo??Lola: Naku apo… kulimlim pa lang ay hubo na ako…-
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom---------------------------------Wife puts Viagra on Husband coffee to add sex drive… after drinking, husband grab and fucked her on the table.. Wife shouts and cried… “Tang-ina naman”… Wag naman dito sa Jolibee!!!” ---------------------------------- Oi, watch ka CNN News!!! Manny Pacquio disqualified by Nevada Athletic Comission!!! Drugs found in his urine!!! Puro ALAXAN, CIRCULAN & ROBITUSSIN!!! May DATU PUTI pa!!! ---------------------------------- Girl: taguan tayo.. Pag nakita mo ko papayag akong makipag sex sa yo… Boy: eh paano kung hindi kita mahanap?? Girl: ehh.. basta nasa likod lang ako ng pinto!!! ---------------------------------- Patient: Dok, malungkot ako dito sa mental… kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang aking sarili… Doctor: ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?? Patient: aba.. ewan!!! Next week ko pa
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom----------------------------------------------------------Nanay: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang hindi mo kayang bilangin?Anak: mas bobo si itay nay, kasi nadinig ko minsan sabi, “Tama na inday hanggang tatlo lang ang kaya ko”-----------------------------------------Apo: Lola pupunta lang kami sa tipar!!!Lola: Ano bang tipar ang pinagsasabi nyo?Apo: Tipar is PartyLola: Puro salitang kanto ang alam nyo…mga PAKINSHET kayo!!!!-----------------------------------------Anak: Tays! Kains na tayos!!!Ama: Gago!!! Tigilan mo ang kakalagay ng “s” sa salita mo!!! Ano ba ulam?Anak: inigang na bangu na may ibuya at kamati… hmmmm… arap ng abaw!!!----------------------------------------Gud PM!!! May wallet akong binebenta galing US….kunin mo na!!! Worth $200…Mahal kasi ang balat ng TITI!!! Naipon sa pinagtulian… kapag hinimas mo lumalaki, nagiging maleta!!! Order ka?----------
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcomMerry Christmas!!! Merry Xmas !!! Maligayang Pasko !!! Happy New Year !!! Manigong Bagong Taon sa Inyong Lahat !!!!------------------------------------------PEDRO: Miss, pabili nga ng bolpen.MISS: Sorry po sir, wala po kaming bolpen.[Inis na lumabas si Pedro sa tindahan.PEDRO: My God! Penshoppe walang bolpen! Haller!-------------------------------------------Textmate Addict 1: Friend, my taning na ang buhay ko! Last nyt ko na to kya txt tau buong gabiTextmate Addict 2: Heh! Tumigil ka nga, maaga pa gising ko bukas buti ikaw hindi na gigising!!!!-------------------------------------------bakit hindi tinatagalog ang NO ID NO ENTRY sa gate lalo n s paaraalan?kc pg tinagalog yun, ang kalalabasan, "WALANG ID WALANG PASOK!" Yahoo! uwian na!-------------------------------------------Beggar: boss palimos po!Student: iinom ka? mgsusugal o mgddroga?Beggar: wala po akong bisyo.Student: ok
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcomMerry Christmas!!! Merry Xmas !!! Maligayang Pasko !!! Happy New Year !!! Manigong Bagong Taon sa Inyong Lahat !!!!-----------------------------Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy"**Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"**Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa "tension and stress"**Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"**Kung mayaman ka, "pneumonia" daw ang sakit mo**Kung mahirap, "TB" yon**Sa mayaman, "hyperacidity"**Kapag mahirap, "ulcer" dahil walang laman ang tiyan**Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay "kleptomaniac"**Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"**Pag mayaman ka, you're "eccentric"**Kung mahirap ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"**Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may "migraine"**Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"**Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who i
Note: Please Support this site.... send your Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom----------------------------------------------Pulis1: pre, alam mo naba ang usap-usapan?Pulis2: bakit pre anong balita?Pulis1: may bading daw sa campo ntin?Pulis2: sino daw pre?Pulis1: kiss muna!----------------------------------------------Some say the ugliest animel is hippopotamus! but you know what? more people say, COW daw! What do you think? COW ba talaga?----------------------------------------------Son: Father can you close your eyes and write your name?Father: Of course I can that’s easy!Son: Then, please close your eyes and sign my report card?----------------------------------------------Teacher: what’s your name?Pupil: early seven strikeland po!Teacher: niloloko mo ba ko?Pupil: hindi po, yan ang name ko sa inglis! Sa pilipino po, Agapito Hampaslupa.-----------------------------------------------a girl's prayerdear God, thank you for all the blessings you have be
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